how to get ride of unwanted sexual desires?

[de_paradise]

The drive for sex is also the heart for Enlightenment /Tao(淫心即是道心);the stronger the drive you have , the easier the Enlightenment you can attain .

 

This is the dialectic of Taoist/Buddhist practice. As a famous Taoist poem tells us :

人情濃厚道情微

道用人情世罕知

My clumsy translation is as follows:

 

While the drive for Tao is always invisible , the drive for sex always explicit and strong ;

Tao secretly makes use of human drive that seldom anyone notices it .

 

Very interesting, I like that. I am from the school of not sticking your head in the sand as well.

 

To the OP, what can help you is how you characterize or think of yourself. Note the difference, and the power of identity level statements:

 

1. "I am celibate"

2. "I'm a young man with natural desires and overactive hormones "

 

Who is setting themselves up to succeed, who is setting themselves up to fail? Its obvious. Similarly:

 

1. I am a vegetarian

2. I don't want to eat meat but my body craves it when I smell barbeque."

 

In our society, alot of men base their self esteem partly on their sexual prowess. Lots of pussy=winner. Something to recognize in your social programming and to get over. When the topic comes up, I just say, I've had sex before, and will probably have it again.

[三江源]

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Edited July 28, 2015 by 三江源

[Vajrasattva]

Sex drive is a good thing. One just needs balance.

 

If you feel like you have TOO much. Do some inverted postures. Increase your meditation time & breathing. Also do the Deer Exercises. Also look at your diet.

There is no wrong in masterbation. Just watch out for ejaculation running out of control.

 

So better to learn how to sublimate & transmute this sex energy.

 

You can not get rid of your SEX center nor your SEX energy. It is a VERY IMPORTANT energy

 

it is connected to WATER & it is the force of creativity & Creation itself.

 

These are things you need. Not things you throw away.

Peace

 

Santiago

[exorcist_1699]

So, comparing with a young guy, an old man ,generally speaking, is more difficult to attain Enlightenmenf for he has less sex drive.

 

What a blessing for those who comes across Tao in his/ her young age.

Edited December 31, 2008 by exorcist_1699

[wudangquan]

I'm not sure this is correct . . . or I should say I'm not sure this is a correct understanding.

 

I think it may just be that a young man has relatively more jing which can be transformed.

 

However, I'm personally of the opinion that jing =/= semen, as it's commonly understood.

 

I think it's more of a potential energy that generally gets channeled into sexual desire (and if you think about the obsessive amounts of time and energy that are put into that particular one, it's not insubstantial).

 

Taoism, generally seems to focus on transformation, and it could be that the opportunity for transforming the jing into qi into shen is just greater in youth.

 

It seems like a pity to me to waste that chance on masturbation and meaningless sex.

 

Anyway I'm not saying it's definitely this way, it's just what I, personally believe on the issue.

 

Back to the original question:

 

I just try to see things in terms of loss and gain. Every time that I must be tested, every time that I face suffering, etc. I remind myself of why I'm cultivating, for whom I'm cultivating, think about what responsibility I have and to whom, and then ye old jacky rag or random women I am not in love with are less appealling.

 

For me it's been a gradual process, and it does get easier but you just have to prioritize and view things from a broader perspective of loss and gain.

 

.02 (all "in my opinion", "I feel", etc. caveats apply)

[exorcist_1699]

It is fortunate for those who come across Tao in their 20's - 40's, and stick to it .Of course, there is some mechanisim people need to know in order to make the transformation.

 

Old people are always difficult .Just imagine how difficult for a guy ,who is in his 50's to 60's , to sit there straight , with his legs crossing and his mind trying deliberately to control his turbulent mind, for 2-3 hours.

[gossamer]

Dear Excorist 1699,

 

 

I've had had a copy of the Tao te Ching (Dao de Jing) since 1983 (I think) or so.

 

But I really didn't start getting into Dao till 2002.

 

I was about 50 years old then.

 

But just the other morning I was meditating with the breath, which I've known how to do since the 1980's, and after I got into a Qi state, I read the first chapter of 'Red Pine's (Bill Porter's) 'Taoteching'.

 

It was so fresh that it was just like I had never read or heard of the TTC/DDJ BEFORE, ever!

 

It was like the Dawn of Creation, and immediately, I had an understanding of the DEPTH of the first chapter of the TTC, way more then I've ever had before.

 

It was sort of like diving into the ocean, it was THAT powerful!

 

It was very, very, very powerful!!

 

And never under estimate people in their 50's being sexual either.

 

We are 57, and 56, and we make great Love!

 

Just don't tell my wife that I said this in public! lol

 

 

Peace, gossamer

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is fortunate for those who come across Tao in their 20's - 40's, and stick to it .Of course, there is some mechanisim people need to know in order to make the transformation.

 

Old people are always difficult .Just imagine how difficult for a guy ,who is in his 50's to 60's , to sit there straight , with his legs crossing and his mind trying deliberately to control his turbulent mind, for 2-3 hours.

 

 

Wow Excorist,

 

You said this beautifully.

 

 

I've been convinced that sexuality is a Way to seek Dao for a long time.

 

To ride on the wave of bliss with one's lover, is truly, to know Dao.

 

Great writing Excorist, you did really GOOD!

 

 

Peace, gossamer

 

 

 

 

There is no unwanted sex drive .

 

The drive for sex is also the heart for Enlightenment /Tao(淫心即是道心);the stronger the drive you have , the easier the Enlightenment you can attain .

 

This is the dialectic of Taoist/Buddhist practice. As a famous Taoist poem tells us :

人情濃厚道情微

道用人情世罕知

My clumsy translation of it is as follows:

 

While the drive for Tao is always invisible , the drive for sex always explicit and strong ;

Tao secretly makes use of human drive in daily life that seldom anyone notices it .

Edited January 1, 2009 by gossamer

[dao zhen]

When jing becomes full - it will flow out - it is a nature like water in this regard -

 

This is a first door we must open -

 

What to do when the Jing becomes full?

 

What to do when the Qi becomes full?

 

What to do when the Shen becomes full?

 

Without a proper method, it really is a hard road to travel........

[altiora]

So, comparing with a young guy, an old man ,generally speaking, is more difficult to attain Enlightenmenf for he has less sex drive.

 

What a blessing for those who comes across Tao in his/ her young age.

 

Agree with wudangquan I don't think that this is the correct understanding either.

 

 

Just about every Taoist text that deals with sexual desire (and the same for all spiritual traditions I know) is that sexual desire can be an obstacle if we submit let it take over - it is such a powerful and (when untransformed) base energy that hinders comprehension of divine truths. All other Taoist texts I know suggest that it is the older persons who more readily find the Tao than compared to younger persons -- because it's only through living life that one can begin to fathom the workings of the Tao.

 

And I have to say, as someone who has just come out of the sex-saturated 20-something period, I ain't feeling terribly enlightened.

 

I wonder if by "sex drive" is really meant metaphorically in the sense that one must be vigorous and robustly healthy (as opposed to the decrepit "old man") so that one can strive ceaselessly on the spiritual quest and not be afflicted by ill health, premature aging and death. I think that aligns with the traditional focus of Taoist on longevity.

 

Sorry I know a lot of you would love there to be some Taoist injunction that sexual indulgence is always good.

Edited January 1, 2009 by altiora

[wudangquan]

Old folks have naturally worn away most of their attachments, as well . . .

 

I think it's much easier for them to progress much more quickly. The problem is - time.

 

Quanzhen "scriptures" tell us that as long as a person has even a fraction of a percent of their original nature left, it's not POSSIBLE for them to die.

 

So for old folks, the issue is like burning a candle at both ends. Actually that's not a good metaphor but I can't think of one now . . .

 

They naturally give up and wear away their attachments with old age, but they also have already lost or lost access too most of their own primordial nature.

 

The ideal thing (IMHO) is to get rid of conditioned attachments when you're as young as possible.

[altiora]

Old folks have naturally worn away most of their attachments, as well . . .

 

I think it's much easier for them to progress much more quickly. The problem is - time.

 

Quanzhen "scriptures" tell us that as long as a person has even a fraction of a percent of their original nature left, it's not POSSIBLE for them to die.

 

So for old folks, the issue is like burning a candle at both ends. Actually that's not a good metaphor but I can't think of one now . . .

 

They naturally give up and wear away their attachments with old age, but they also have already lost or lost access too most of their own primordial nature.

 

The ideal thing (IMHO) is to get rid of conditioned attachments when you're as young as possible.

 

I'm reminded of Jesus' statement that that we can only attain the kingdom of God if we become like little children.

[wudangquan]

Or someone else I know predicted that they will become a "100 year old child"!

[exorcist_1699]

Please notice what I said :

 

" The drive for sex is also the heart for Enlightenment /Tao(淫心即是道心) "

 

The famous sixth Master of Zen Buddhism , Wei Nan ( 惠能) , also said:

 

 

有情來下種

 

 

( With the human drive , seeds for Enlightenment can be sowed )

 

These ideas are original from Buddhist masters .

 

Of course, as monks , they cannot have sex life .

Edited January 2, 2009 by exorcist_1699

[exorcist_1699]

 

 

And I have to say, as someone who has just come out of the sex-saturated 20-something period, I ain't feeling terribly enlightened.

 

 

 

The sadness of life is :

 

When we are young , we can have sex several times in night without affecting our physical and spiritual strength next day, so we do not sense the existence of jing-qi-shen , or think that they are unlinked to each other .

 

When we get old , we can easily sense the existence of them , and how they are related ; unfortunately , we already find more arduously to do what we want to succeed .

Edited January 2, 2009 by exorcist_1699

[yangluchan]

Sex drive is a good thing. One just needs balance.

 

If you feel like you have TOO much. Do some inverted postures. Increase your meditation time & breathing. Also do the Deer Exercises. Also look at your diet.

There is no wrong in masterbation. Just watch out for ejaculation running out of control.

 

So better to learn how to sublimate & transmute this sex energy.

 

You can not get rid of your SEX center nor your SEX energy. It is a VERY IMPORTANT energy

 

it is connected to WATER & it is the force of creativity & Creation itself.

 

These are things you need. Not things you throw away.

Peace

 

Santiago

 

Hi Santi,

 

I've read a lot of your posts, and have come to respect your opinion very much. You seem like you have been around the block (or the Tao) so to say! Just purchased your book Secrets the Gurus Will Never Show You, will try to get through it this weekend!

 

I wanted to ask you:

 

What methods do you have of ejaculation control and orgasm without ejaculation? Sublimation and transmutation of sexual energy as well? I would be very interested in this, as I feel too much ejaculation weakens me, but still, as a relatively young guy (single at the moment) I have a relatively strong sex drive!

 

If you have some methods of how to withold ejaculation when having sex and transmute energy etc that would be very interesting to hear! I've tried Mantak Chias methods from books for some years, but I know now that the focus on the PC muscle made everything worse for me, to the point where I still have to try to consciously relax the PC muscle when having sex, or else it will contract really hard pushing me towards ejaculation, and sometimes even leaving it sore for a few days!

 

Looking into Dr. Lins anal breathing method using the tailbone muscle as well, is this a part of your method of ejaculation control as well?

 

Thanks!

Edited January 2, 2009 by yangluchan

[rain]

It is fortunate for those who come across Tao in their 20's - 40's, and stick to it .Of course, there is some mechanisim people need to know in order to make the transformation.

 

Old people are always difficult .Just imagine how difficult for a guy ,who is in his 50's to 60's , to sit there straight , with his legs crossing and his mind trying deliberately to control his turbulent mind, for 2-3 hours.

 

 

I would imagine trying to control the turbulent mind would be difficult at any age.

But in my personal experience I was faaar from mature enough for taichi at the age of 27..

[Spiritual_Aspirant]

Reroute the excess energy from your sex energy center upwards to your other energy centers.

[mantis]

Old folks have naturally worn away most of their attachments, as well . . .

 

I think it's much easier for them to progress much more quickly. The problem is - time.

 

Quanzhen "scriptures" tell us that as long as a person has even a fraction of a percent of their original nature left, it's not POSSIBLE for them to die.

 

So for old folks, the issue is like burning a candle at both ends. Actually that's not a good metaphor but I can't think of one now . . .

 

They naturally give up and wear away their attachments with old age, but they also have already lost or lost access too most of their own primordial nature.

 

The ideal thing (IMHO) is to get rid of conditioned attachments when you're as young as possible.

 

i'm trying