wenwu Posted January 4, 2009 ok my last post for tonight/this morning i have been living alone for the past 2 years, the first one of theose years i was involed in a fairly distructive long distance relationship, where i was lied to for a long time and eventully cheated on and left. after this i felt i didn;t want ot take up anther ealationship for a while and turned my energies ot other things like my pracice and i have become really comfortable spending my evenings, doing MA and occasionally practising standing in the living room or just speninding sometime being quiet, still and present before i go to bed just recenlty there has a been a girl, she is a good girl and very good girl and some one i feel i can trust being that she went through a similar thing around the same time, yippee but.......... i like my practice, you guys who are married or have partners how do you find balance? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
markern Posted January 4, 2009 At Spirit Rock meditation center I know they have been holding retreats that focus on making relationships a training ground for mindfulness thereby benefitting your practice and your relationship. Lots of tantric stuff are also both beneficial for practice and for relationship. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stigweard Posted January 4, 2009 ok my last post for tonight/this morning i have been living alone for the past 2 years, the first one of theose years i was involed in a fairly distructive long distance relationship, where i was lied to for a long time and eventully cheated on and left. after this i felt i didn;t want ot take up anther ealationship for a while and turned my energies ot other things like my pracice and i have become really comfortable spending my evenings, doing MA and occasionally practising standing in the living room or just speninding sometime being quiet, still and present before i go to bed just recenlty there has a been a girl, she is a good girl and very good girl and some one i feel i can trust being that she went through a similar thing around the same time, yippee but.......... i like my practice, you guys who are married or have partners how do you find balance? Every path has it's challenges. "In closeness let there be space" is a practical moto. I have shrine room in our house which is my personal space. Likewise my wife has her special space. My standard practice sees me awake at around 5am and involved in cultivation to 7:30 - 8:00. My wife usually wakes at about 7 and does her practice till about 8. Then we get together and enjoy the morning before work. Afternoons we either go for a walk together or enjoy our seperate afternoon time. Nights are for our individual study/leisure. Mutual respect for each other's path is the key. Blessings, Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Long Yun Posted January 4, 2009 It can be done. I'm not saying that it's going to be easy, but it's not impossible. If you want it to work, it's going to. Something you could try (which I have not had great success with but might help) is to get her interested in meditating with you. If I could get my girlfriend interested in my practice, it would make things so much easier. If not, just set some time aside for yourself. Nothing wrong with that. The biggest hurdle I've come across is any period of celibacy. Just explain to her what you have to do, and it'll be ok. Still, being celibate when you both don't want to is a challenge. Just keep the right attitude and you'll be fine. Best of luck to you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mal Posted January 5, 2009 i like my practice, you guys who are married or have partners how do you find balance? It's probably misleading to say it's a "balance" My partner works shift work and we are pretty independent, spending 2 years as well as 18 mts in separate towns in our 19 year history. Basically I'm selfish she knows I'll be practicing "weird hippy stuff" for up 2 two hours everyday. Similarly I know she will be needing her "own time" going for a swim, reading a book, or studying. The only way we could do this with kids would be to have a nanny, or if someone is willing to give up their lifestyle for ~18 years Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wenwu Posted January 5, 2009 thanks for your help guys lots of goos advice, my girlfriend is chinese so there is a chance (a small one) that she wil be interested in meditation the celibacy thing is a worry but as Wu-Liu said it may actually help having 2 people work at it looks like another change insleep pattern is coming he he which i also really need over the christmas period my sleeping has shifted really badly Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Billy K Posted January 5, 2009 It makes your life more complicated, and you won`t get anything meaningful out of a relationship, so why do it? at best, you'll lose time, at worst, you'll lose yourself. let the people who are not interested in cultivation have relationships, it's their way in this life. if your way is cultivation, don't bother with girls (or guys, or whatever). you'll be happier that way. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Unconditioned Posted January 5, 2009 The best way that I've found (my fiance just moved in a week ago) is just to be honest and fair about your time commitments. Her time is just as valuable to her as yours is to you. If you can find a balance that you both agree on then there won't be any problem. Good luck! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
