Valerian Posted January 19, 2009 Hello, I'm a new member and would like to post the main reason I am here. I'm trying to grow. I'm at a point in my life where I'm realizing how much my life is ruled by fear and I want to change this. Of course, fear keeps me from moving on and I've become so adept at creating thoughts stemming from fear that I now have trouble knowing what is truly me and what is my fear. I'm at an impasse and I'm pretty confused. I feel like I can't trust myself because my thoughts are motivated by fear and my growth is spurred by my boyfriend not by myself. Mainly out of fear of losing him, I make feeble attempts at growing and end up not learning anything more than I am afraid and seemingly unready to grow. I'm desperately afraid he will leave me if I continue to do this, but I also fear that I will never be able to grow and he will leave me. I need to take myself away from the fear, and motivate myself. I want to grow, not only for my boyfriend, but because I'm really not ecstatic about my life. I don't maintain my body well, I run away from truly looking at myself and I've socially isolated myself in many ways. Yet on some days I feel really happy and content with my life, which I feel is just myself justifying living in fear. I'm really confused, need some guidance, and some thoughts about what I am doing! I do feel I make some progress, but I feel even more of this progress could be achieved if I knew how to deal with my fear. ~Valerian Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mal Posted January 19, 2009 Hi relaxing sleep herb  Welcome to the 'bums  I am afraid and seemingly unready to grow  It is good that you feel like this, honest. My Sifu tells me "never be afraid." It's good advice, just so hard to follow sometimes  But you will eventually look back and realize that noticing these feelings within yourself marked the start of your journey, and there was nothing to be afraid of.....  There is plenty to stuff read and investigate here in the meantime. I'm sure you will have fun. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guan-Wen Posted January 19, 2009 Hello, I'm a new member and would like to post the main reason I am here. I'm trying to grow. I'm at a point in my life where I'm realizing how much my life is ruled by fear and I want to change this. Of course, fear keeps me from moving on and I've become so adept at creating thoughts stemming from fear that I now have trouble knowing what is truly me and what is my fear. I'm at an impasse and I'm pretty confused. I feel like I can't trust myself because my thoughts are motivated by fear and my growth is spurred by my boyfriend not by myself. Mainly out of fear of losing him, I make feeble attempts at growing and end up not learning anything more than I am afraid and seemingly unready to grow. I'm desperately afraid he will leave me if I continue to do this, but I also fear that I will never be able to grow and he will leave me. I need to take myself away from the fear, and motivate myself. I want to grow, not only for my boyfriend, but because I'm really not ecstatic about my life. I don't maintain my body well, I run away from truly looking at myself and I've socially isolated myself in many ways. Yet on some days I feel really happy and content with my life, which I feel is just myself justifying living in fear. I'm really confused, need some guidance, and some thoughts about what I am doing! I do feel I make some progress, but I feel even more of this progress could be achieved if I knew how to deal with my fear. ~Valerian  "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." Bene Gesserit mantra in Dune.  Valerian. You must face your fear. Sit with it. Make it a nice cup of tea (What type would you suggest Stig?). What is the opposite of fear? Is iot courage? Make a list of every courageous thing you have ever done and note the small victories each day. Have the courage to be honest with everybody in your life!!! THAT is the heardest thing to do.  When you are paralysed by fear then it has already crushed you. You are reduced to your bare psycho-physical aggregates and bereft of higher function. RECOGNISE THIS TRUTH. Next time it happens, spend quality time with your total response to the fear. Then, take a breath... See how the breath and your fear/fgear-reaction matrix are separate. Then breathe again. Spend quality time with your breath. Make it a nice cuppa too (Stig?).  "Seek freedom, become slave to your desires. Seek discipline and discover youe liberty." Frank Herbert in Dune. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stigweard Posted January 19, 2009 Â Welcome Valerian, just remember that compost grows the most beautiful flowers in the world. Look at what you have accomplished just now by writing what you have. Well done! Â Its great to have you here, find a seat ... and yes the inevitable question ... how do you like your tea? Â Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
