Am I Crazy or Possessed?

[Shelbeth]

I went see a priest today to get some answers, and a force inside me wanted to lash my body at him and tear him apart from limb to limb. Luckily I controlled myself, but I have felt this way for many many years. Sometimes when I was younger, I felt a force inside me wanting to murder my family, or bring on some kind of physical harm. I love my parents and would never do anything to harm them, but some force inside me wanted this to happen. As the years passed, I felt the same way about my wife (exwife now), my children (very sad) and sometimes strangers off the street.

 

I have been in psychiatric counseling for almost 10 years now and my therapist concludes the psychiatric condition is called Borderline Personality Disorder, but now I'm not so sure. Let me explain:

 

This force inside of me does NOT want me to be happy or live in any kind of peace, I know this, because I have felt it, almost like it is communicating it to me through some kind of subconscious communication. When I feel a sence of happiness, or peace, this force sabatoges it for me. It's hard to explain, but it's not me doing any of this, but some force inside of me that is out of my control, almost like a subconcious actions taking over---this is the best way to explain it, but still not accurately precise. I'll go into a fit of rage at loved ones, have no successes in any kind of romantic relationship, lie to my children about their loved ones for personal gain, find joy in challanging God, and cursing his name with the F word included, etc.

 

Here's the most compelling thing that happened today. This priest that I visited today went into a blessing for me, and the more intense the blessing got, the more I felt myself going into a black-out, feeling uncomfrotable with being there almost to the point of wanting to run away screaming in embarrasment, etc. I began to shake a little bit uncontrolably, I couldn't look at the priest straight in the eyes when he mentioned God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit (like I was ashamed of being there to begin wih with), and when he annointed me with holy oil, I felt myself back away from the table. Here's the wierd thing, I was fully aware of all that was happening, but couldn't control myself, but I also felt myself drifting away into a semi-black-out while this force was taking over. I envisioned myself punching the priest in the testicles, and I actually thought it was funny, and laughed about it, but it wasn't me, it was something else controlling me to do so. I started to feel a language, almost Latin, creep into my head and was tempted to say these words, but I didn't. I was doing everything possible to control myself, but still couldn't stand any moment of being there, I was ahamed of being in any presence of God at all.

 

Please help me find some answer. Am I crazy, or am I the victim of a demonic possesion?

[mr R Fairchild]

Edited February 9, 2009 by mr R Fairchild

[fiveelementtao]

I would suggest continuing with psychotherapy and also continuing to seek help from a priest if you feel it can help. However, I have performed a few exorcisms and it sounds very similar to what I have seen in demonic possession/oppression. In my experience, there is always a starting point. In my experience there is always a symbiotic relationship with the victim and the demonic entity. If you are possessed, there is something you can do about it. But it is important to understand the symbiotic relationship. When you can understand your unconscious cooperation, you will better be able to change the situation. Were you physically, emotionally, sexually abused? Did you grow up in a dysfunctional home, i.e... alcoholism, mental illness etc... These are very often contributing factors. At some point in your past, If you truly are possessed, you consciously or unconsciously invited this entity in to divert you from other more painful emotional issues. I know this sounds like a judgement but it is not. No demon can harm you without your permission. So, this means there is hope. The demon signifies your desire to "run away" from your own divinity. If you are able to be fearless and seek to face the painful/frightening underlying feelings, the demon will leave. This is very often done through rituals like exorcisms, because it signifies that the victim is willing to "repent" or devote themselves to God etc.. This signifies that the victim wishes to stop hiding from their inner truth and work to strengthen themselves spiritually. Afterwards, It is also necessary to have a regular spiritual practice and continue with psychotherapy to avoid denial. There is never demonic oppression without denial.

If you are serious about overcoming this, you will, but you will need help. Whether it is psychological or spiritual in nature, You cannot do it alone...

[fizix]

Is this a joke? I swear I've seen this post before almost verbatim on other forums...

[mr R Fairchild]

[Shelbeth]

Is this a joke? I swear I've seen this post before almost verbatim on other forums...

 

No this is not a joke, I swear to God almighty it's not. I'm a devout catholic and have been for some time.

 

On another note that someone replied to, inviting a demonic pressence in to take over the pain, I was younger and feeling a sence of overwhelming pain, and said outloud that I would sell my soul to the devil to be happy, and not to feel like this for the rest of my life. I didn't mean it, as I was only a child, and was testing the validity to it to see if it actually worked. Just to make sure that it didn't work (in case it did) i replied back a couple weks later that i surrender my soul and spirit back onto Jsus Christ and give no power to Satan or other evil forces to my soul because I was a bit spooked and didn't want to test this validity anymore.

[Pranaman]

this woman is incredibly helpful with things like this and more. She has blended western psychotherapy with entity depossession which sounds like it's exactly what you need. Long distance sessions are available, 80$ for a depossession is a good deal for how good she is. If she's started a depossession but you have to leave due to scheduling, she'll stay at it until it's done, she told me about an 8 or 12 hour session she had a week before my appointment. Good heart, good will, good energy worker.

 

Eliza Carroll

Edited February 9, 2009 by Pranaman

[fiveelementtao]

On another note that someone replied to, inviting a demonic pressence in to take over the pain, I was younger and feeling a sence of overwhelming pain, and said outloud that I would sell my soul to the devil to be happy, and not to feel like this for the rest of my life.

 

This is when it occurred. I know you say you didn't mean it. But in order to overcome this, you need to be honest. You did mean it at the time. It is not enough to simply say,

I was testing the validity to it to see if it actually worked.

You cannot make excuses for yourself this way. In order to be free you need to admit that you asked for this. Every time you make excuses, you strengthen the denial which makes the situation harder to overcome. You say you are a devout catholic. I strongly reccommend that you go back to your priest and admit to the priest what you wrote here,

I would sell my soul to the devil to be happy,

Ask for an exorcism and follow his instructions. exorcisms work if you are serious about being honest with yourself and committing yourself to live your highest divinity. The demon is a representation of your own desire to deny your internal issues. Do not make any more excuses for denying your pain. Take it to God as you understand God. Continue with any therapy that helps you heal and follow whatever spiritual path works for you. But stop avoiding your pain. Take responsibility for your feelings and seek God's help and the demon will flee.

[Aetherous]

I fully back up what Fiveelementtao says. Good luck to you. You have it within you to overcome this.

[p1g3on]

When you say therapist, is this just a casual use of the term? There is an enormous distinction between a therapist, psychologist, and psyciatrist, as I am sure you are aware.

I know that this website is more supportive of alternative healing methods, but you need to couple qualified psychiatric help with psychotherapy and whatever else you are doing. A therapist or psychologist can only talk you through what sounds like an unimaginably torturous mental life. Of course psychoanalysis, talking, religious help, and guided meditation can all be very therapeutic for you, but you are dealing with something that sounds quite serious, painful, and urgent.

My advice, for whatever its worth, is that you find a good psychiatrist, someone who won't simply throw pills at you, but who will listen and understand what you are experiencing and who can make a decision on what the best medical choice is for you.

Best of luck to you.

[NeutralWire]

I also would like to back up fiveelementtao's response which is absolutely spot on, especially his remarks about symbiosis.

 

You will recover! Therapy is vital, self-knowledge the only cure -- believe this!

 

I wish that, on this forum, there was a space where people could post out of the 'line of fire' of more boisterous characters. Maybe you can use a private practice space for this? It is good to be able to rely on the support of the forum, and I for one promise support and encouragement to you if you decide to work on this in therapy, and possibly also by other means.

 

Furthermore, I have experience with negative entities as well and there are things you can do which will help as you go through the experience of understanding. I especially recommend this book:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Cleansing-...7136&sr=1-1

 

... 'Spiritual Cleansing' by Mickaharic, which helps to keep your aura and your living space spiritually clean. But fiveelementtao is absolutely right -- you have to have the courage to find the issues inside you, which allow the entity house-room. These entities live in environments within our souls where they feel nurtured. Once you change your inner environment, the entity will be forced to leave.

 

Good luck! And like I say, I recommend taking a practice space for yourself on this forum, and I for one will read everything you write and help as best I can.

 

All best wishes,

 

~NeutralWire~

[Shelbeth]

How do you take out a personal space? Is that using a BLOG? AND How do you even begin to cleanse your spirit (soul) by ridding myself this demon? I have tried so many times, and have fell flat on my face. I'm not a quitter, and will try anything. I have prayed so many times to God to take over my soul and cleanse it, and to help me get rid of whatever forces are at work to make my life miserable, but so far no successes. I'm not that desperate of a person, but now I am very desperate to be happy and full of peace! Please help!

[fiveelementtao]

How do you take out a personal space? Is that using a BLOG? AND How do you even begin to cleanse your spirit (soul) by ridding myself this demon? I have tried so many times, and have fell flat on my face. I'm not a quitter, and will try anything. I have prayed so many times to God to take over my soul and cleanse it, and to help me get rid of whatever forces are at work to make my life miserable, but so far no successes. I'm not that desperate of a person, but now I am very desperate to be happy and full of peace! Please help!

 

Please re-read my previous posts. You were seeing results when you went to your priest. GO BACK AND TELL HIM THAT YOU INVITED THIS DEMON INTO YOU. ASK FOR AN EXORCISM. Confess and be honest. After the exorcism, continue with therapy, spiritual work and continue to be honest with yourself and work through your childhood/early adult issues in therapy. Your denial is the main problem. But the only way through it is through spiritual help and therapy. YOU CAN'T DO IT ALONE. I can't be any clearer than this...

[Shelbeth]

Just to add a side note. I found a few websites declaring that Borderline Personality Disorder and demonic possessions are much in the same. This is scary to the naive, but I feel it to be a load of BS.

 

One the other hand one thing I feel that is so scary is that the Devil ITSELF is the master of lies and manipulation. "the greatest trick the Devil performed was convincing the world IT didn't exist" If this is true, then why couldn't it be true that the Devil throw a bunch of confusion our way in the form of psychiatry and psychology, etc. as a way to distract us from ITS plans of worldwide dominance?

 

I don't know about anything anymore, and I'm not even sure what is real or what is faith based. I'm so confused anymore, and I want to turn to God, but I really feel like he's either too busy for me or he is preoccupied with someone else.

 

Maybe, just maybe, this is what the Devil wants from me....to confuse me in this way. If this is so, how do I fight him off? I've prayed to God, I've prayed to Jesus, I've prayed to the Holy Spirit, I've prayed to the Virgin Mary, I've prayed to all the saints in heaven, and last but not least, I've prayed to Michael the AchAngel to all help me with this battle I'm suffering with.

 

One thing I am proud of though is the fact that no matter what the Devil throws my way, I have survived it, THUS proving that I am stronger than IT!

 

I've even tried praying for the Devil and telling IT that I love IT and have compassion for IT and want IT to find peace the same way I have struggled for peace....because Jesus stated, "Love your enemy"....SO who is more of a bigger enemy than the Devil? Should we pray for IT?

 

I've laid alot on here and am looking to either open some eyes, or just looking for some help for the ranting and ravings of a possible lunatic!

 

Please re-read my previous posts. You were seeing results when you went to your priest. GO BACK AND TELL HIM THAT YOU INVITED THIS DEMON INTO YOU. ASK FOR AN EXORCISM. Confess and be honest. After the exorcism, continue with therapy, spiritual work and continue to be honest with yourself and work through your childhood/early adult issues in therapy. Your denial is the main problem. But the only way through it is through spiritual help and therapy. YOU CAN'T DO IT ALONE. I can't be any clearer than this...

 

I've already went to a priest, as per my first post in this thread and asked for an exorsism....the priest informed me that he would have to consult with other members of the priesthood to determine if this is a case with merit, or a mental disorder. He did however start a blessing for me, and this is when I had my experiences.

[fiveelementtao]

 

I've even tried praying for the Devil and telling IT that I love IT and have compassion for IT and want IT to find peace the same way I have struggled for peace....because Jesus stated, "Love your enemy"....SO who is more of a bigger enemy than the Devil? Should we pray for IT?

 

I've laid alot on here and am looking to either open some eyes, or just looking for some help for the ranting and ravings of a possible lunatic!

I've already went to a priest, as per my first post in this thread and asked for an exorsism....the priest informed me that he would have to consult with other members of the priesthood to determine if this is a case with merit, or a mental disorder. He did however start a blessing for me, and this is when I had my experiences.

 

One thing you can do is take responsiblity for all of your feelings and your actions. As I have said, I believe possession is a real phenomenon. But, you are NOT a victim. You created this scenario when you prayed for it. You also can stop it. It may take some time and a good old fashioned exorcism, but you have the power to change this. First thing to do is stop feeding the drama within. Make a firm resolution within yourself that you will seek help and be honest with others. Not necessarily rehashing all the craziness that the demon causes you, but be honest that you started this ball rolling when you sought to escape your pain. Accept your pain and accept God's love. God has not abandoned you, He is waiting for you to ask His help in taking responsibility for your internal issues. Resolve (without drama) to take the necessary steps to find the Truth within and be your true Divine self. If you are determined and have faith you will find someone to perform this exorcism for you and you will find a therapist who can help you work through your issues. It all started with you and it can all end with you. It may take a little patience on your part. Remember, you have been feeding this crazy drama for a few years now. It may take a little while to defuse it. When the demon acts up, just tell yourself (calmly) "This drama I have created for myself isn't serving me anymore. I am willing to let it go." The Demon is actually your servant. Let him go. You don't need him anymore. You are strong enough to face your pain with God's help and the help of professionals.

[Vajrasattva]

if you are serious i recommend you contact my friend

John:

 

http://www.karmichealer.com/

 

He can help.

peace

 

Santiago

[Mandrake]

There's also a book by Robert Bruce that contains some tips that you may find useful:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Practical-Psychic-Se...7735&sr=8-2

 

Anyway, it's important that you recognize the limitation of prayer. While you can ask external entities for help, they can only lead you to fortuitious circumstances, the water so to speak. The actual drinking you have to do yourself. So don't believe you can just pray it away. The battle is in your inner domain, and it's you who have control there.

 

Those in Christianity who've worked extensively with helping people suffering from evil entities, know the connection to sin very clearly. Sin not in a derogatory sense of course, but more of a involvement with strong negativity, voluntary or sometimes involuntary. There's a reason "Righteousness" is emphasized in the Bible. Confession, strong resolve to change, and purification are very important.

 

I would also check out pastors in the christian denominations that includes a focus on the activities of the Holy Spirit. Find somebody with experience, who is a balanced person in his emotions, spiritually and in his relations. You want to exercise wisdom in choosing your helpers. Expect strong inner opposition when you encounter someone that truelly poses a threat to the entity.

 

Anyway, you've got much good advice from several people here.

Don't give up - you deserve freedom and the best!

 

 

Mandrake

 

 

PS. There are also a couple of mantras that could prove useful. If you are interested, I could allways check them out. DS.

[Wayfarer64]

I wish you well in this troubling situation. I have long believed that the only thing that keeps me from experiencing hellish experiences is my time with deep meditation - thinking only how much I wanted to be nearer to the light and to leave the darkness behind me. Soon I am amid the light and HAVE left the darkness behind me. This is a constant struggle sometimes and I need to always be aware that dark forces do not want me to leave them behind- the dark forces need you as a source of energy. Offer them nothing, not even yr devotion to being of the light...just close yrself away from the intrusions they offer...Find yr center and take flight!