Definig Kundalini awakening

[guy johnson]

My experience of a full blown awakening has nothing to do with anything

so mundane as kriyas. the experience is so total and complete there is no

awareness of body or self. Kriyas are an awakening symptom not an

indication of experiencing a full awakening. Often I hear discussions of

people having awakened kundalini and then they describe the energy and

kriyas. These are not manifestations of a full awakening but rather an

indication of the start of an awakening process. If you were not sure if

you were dead or alive and the power and pleasure was unbearable and well

beyond any personal control then I would suspect a full awakening. If you

felt your body moving in Kriyas, or had a sense of self or something

happening to you, you are still only beginning. You can feel intense

pleasure and see lights and many other manifestations but these are just the

beginnings.

 

 

 

 

I am defining a full awakening as being that moment when all

awareness of our habitual belief in our individuality ends. That first

moment when self is obliterated defines a fully awakened kundalini. The

variations leading up to that moment are endless. I do not describe how

slowly or quickly one achieves this as awakening can be sudden and total as

mine was or brought on by years of dedication to a practice. I also do not

define this moment as enlightenment although I would say that the

obliteration of self is the first experience of enlightenment. I would also

say that this is the beginning of a long road to enlightenment for those

with a deeply damaged emotional being but could be very quick for someone

who has healed their emotional self in preparation. Feeling intense

pleasure in the spine and the many manifestations is a very important step

on this journey but I believe that do describe this as a full awakening or

to lump that experience under the same definition as a full blown divine

state beyond the capacity of ego to maintain it's allusion of self is in

error. Perhaps we would do well to invent our own words to describe each.

A mild awakening may well be all some need for becoming awake but being

awake does not mean one has experienced a full kundalini awakening. Many

are aware and have wisdom of the oneness of the universe but that does not

mean they have experienced that oneness. I am defining that full blown

awakening as having been obliterated by that experience as a milestone of

kundalini. There is also a distinct possibility that someone with a full

awakening drifts from that path and never comes close to enlightenment.

 

 

 

To clarify, I do not expect anyone to climb the cliff in the same way

as another but I contend that there is a moment of obliteration of awareness

of self that is a product of a full kundalini awakening achieved

instantaneously or the product of 100 years of gradual awakening. this

Obliteration of the I is the defining moment of a full awakening. I

reiterate that this is not the defining of enlightenment but having

experience the obliteration of self which is not in any way dependent on

the degree of emotional healing at that time since awakening can and does

accrue as long as the seeker is capable of letting go both emotions and

intellect for the duration of event.

 

The gentleness of the journey is directly related to the emotional and

intellectual stability of the individual and the healing prior to awakening

but without the experience of obliteration a full awakening of kundalini has

not taken place. Kundalini might conceivably come to one without notice,

gradually bringing one to being fully awake but fully awake is the state of

obliteration. Enlightenment being the capacity to maintain this fully aware

state or a constant state of living with a full opened kundalini. Living in

kundalini and being there on a human level requires the healing of emotions

and the surrender of intellects belief in it's individuality and identity as

self. Without this healed presence the self is caught in a roller coaster

between severe emotional breakdown, manic states, messiah complexes and

enlightenment or in other words instability. My direct experience is that

the kundalini awakening had no influence on my emotional state and in fact I

used the energy from the kundalini to suppress and otherwise halt any

progress with my emotional healing and I at hat time relegated emotions as a

Primitive animal response. Kundalini became so powerful that by the time I

hit forty 18 years later I could not maintain my illusions and I was forced

to heal my emotions and change my perspective as to the energy not being

mine. From the moment I surrendered up the attachment to my use of and

individual possession of the energy my life went from hostile confrontation

and control of events to a place of surrender, peace and my cup runnith over

with love. Kundalini while under the control of ego can be used for

manifestation of materials or events at ones whim, but this power comes with

a price. Every manifestation for personal use is granted but with a hidden

lesson for the one manifesting. This moment of realization that manifesting

for self is in violation of the knowledge of universal oneness is also the

definition of good and evil. That which we do on this earth for personal

gain accumulates lessons for the individual and that which is manifested for

the good of all brings enlightenment.

 

How do you define Kriyas? I avoid using language other then English to avoid having my meaning misinterpreted so with your definition I can better assess your meaning. I have no desire for a contest of words but my experiences are not the same as yours. The event that I call a full awakening happened after six months of very intense concentration. I would describe this period as concentrated energetic work designed to increase the intensity of the bliss I discovered after learning to silence my mind. I use the word silence so as not to have my message misinterpreted by the many forms of meditation. Intensely aware and focused I consciously increased sexual energy originating between the anus and testicles, simultaneously holding in awareness and increasing my inner vision in the area between the eyes and slightly above the nose through flexing and relaxation of muscle groups. My technique was breathing long slow breaths allowing a continuous thin thread of air in both exhale and inhale, holding on either end for as long a duration as comfortable. This technique I had used since 1962 as a diver to consume a third of the air and consequently stay under water for extended periods of time. I also did free diving and extended my stay under water to as much as three minutes. I became very blissful doing this at the age of 12. Internal exploration of energy would be my description of my purpose originally, later evolving as an experiment to create orgasm with concentration of the mind. It is repeatable as well and if the experience was based on how much work the individual had done then this state would no longer be available to me but it most certainly is available at all times. Unless we are discussing two very different kinds of events or we are defining terms very differently, what I call a full awakening and what you call awakening, I call the preliminary awakening process. I am incredulous that you do not seem to have a knowledge of the difference. No disagreement that this event does not make one enlightened but it is an experience of being enlightened. I do not confine myself to eastern terms as they are often incorrectly defined in English or the authors had misperceptions

[guy johnson]

My answer was supposed to be humor but perhaps a bit too dry. The

problem I have with the answer is this; I recall six times that first year

of my awakening when I experienced being completely taken over by this

energy. My awareness was of being light beyond any control or experience of

self. My description at the time was my entire being was orgasmic although

not sexual. This took place three years before I had heard of kundalini. I

tried to create this many times after that and for perhaps 15 years I could

only come close. I had not done any emotional work during this period. I

did not even see the need as I regarded emotions as a weakness. I did

however have a constantly increasing subtle level of bliss. Now I am very

comfortable and detached from the constant pain from old injuries and the

constant bliss for loss of a better word. You stated that the degree of

power behind awakening might have something to do with my lack of emotional

healing at the time. At this time in my life after many years of healing I

live in silence in the vast majority of time and need only close my eyes and

focus for a few minutes before the energy takes over and my physical being

is such a small portion of my being that intellect as silent observer cannot

detect a body or control it's functions, as I go into deathlike states

coming back after many hours. I am completely incapable of functioning in

the mundane during these times not even being capable of sitting. I have

learned to avoid the conflicting needs of survival by only doing this while

lying down and immediately finding a seclude place when the occasional

spontaneous unstoppable sensations of an unwelcome expansion. During one

episode when this came on uninvited in a public place I was sitting next to

four EMTs who tried to revive me and pronounced me dead. My point is if

this intensity of expansion is happening many years after my emotional

healing and does not appear to me related. Descriptions of awakening by

others bears a strong resemblance of the energy and bliss before the

dramatic expansion of self in what I call awakening.

 

I do not have any desire to have a conflict here, just your

explanation does not fit. Perhaps if you will define the definitions of

your sanskrit terms I will find more commonality. I do not use shakti

because the life force is neither feminine nor masculine and though I do

agree that an incredible force comes up the spine I believe this is the life

force accessing through the reproductive channels and supper energizing the

intellect. Chakras holds little interest for me. There are and I do

experience energy centers in the areas described as chakras and I do

consciously energize them but other then their being collections for

emotional storage , once emotions are cleared I find focus on them to be

unimportant. Divine experience is felt as the individual surrenders up their

individuality and divine energy of the universe is felt as the oneness of

the life force experiences it and not as the individual. In other words,

Lets put ourselves in the shoes of an individual cell of the body and our

awareness of that being who we are. As a cell we suddenly realize through

some dramatic emotional incident that we are more then or limited

understanding of being fed by blood and bathed by lymph fluid with a circle

of neighboring cells who have a common belief what their life is all about.

When one of us dies we create another of ourselves complete with the

emotional belief of the original cell. Suddenly we are feeling through the

experience of the whole human and we expand our emotional take to be the

emotional take of the human we are just a small piece of although imbued

with the same life force.

 

This life force has considerable control of matter being essentially

the same energy Witness the animation of the body or manifestation in the

physical world. The awareness and power of the life force is confined to

the planet Earth and only with concentrated effort of the masses is even

that control accomplished with little control outside over such things as

meteors and other stars or even our own. Following this line of logic the

life force is the brains behind all life but only a subset of energy of

mater as a whole. No matter what we feel from the feelings of the

individual or in an expanded state feeling as the life force, the energy of

the sun or even the oceans and wind is without compassion for life even

though without this energy life would no longer exist.

 

Kundalini provide energy for self realization and is not the

realization itself as the example of Zen you gave would indicate. Perhaps I

am so blended with kundalini I should use another word for what I am living

with. I hope this explanation helps. I have no intention of making this

sound unattainable for others or comparing their path to my own. I just

wish to share what is happening in the best way I can explain it.

[guy johnson]

This was my end of a discusion and thought you all might enjoy it. I could not post her responses and I appoligise for that. I am very interested in your comments. Thanks Guy

[GrandTrinity]

Please condense.

[Yoda]

The development of my feelings is my primary goal in life. It's interesting that you say that awakening is independent from emotional healing. Perhaps that accounts for why awakened masters are sometimes a bit crazy.

 

About bliss... most say that there is an abiding sense of bliss in every moment after an awakening experience... that's a strong feeling component, yes? Wouldn't that strongly sweeten and heal your emotions from that point on?

 

-Yoda

[guy johnson]

The development of my feelings is my primary goal in life.  It's interesting that you say that awakening is independent from emotional healing.  Perhaps that accounts for why awakened masters are sometimes a bit crazy. 

 

About bliss... most say that there is an abiding sense of bliss in every moment after an awakening experience... that's a strong feeling component, yes?  Wouldn't that strongly sweeten and heal your emotions from that point on?

 

-Yoda

7383[/snapback]

Dear Yoda,

 

Kundalini did put an extraordinary preasure on me to do my emotional processing. I was not willing and resisted with all my will which I had developed into a considerable power. At some time I will post that history. A short form is that part of my development was the result of extreme physical, emotional, and mental abuse by my mother and my father who traded beating me for sex with her. I was also abused sexualy by my grandmother and a homosexual friend of the family whom my parents often hired as a sitter.

 

The point is that I had complete distain for anything feminine. I refused to feel pain. An example is my foot was amputated in an accident during a sailing accident and I did not even go into shock. I navigated the vessel for three hours to a waiting ambulence in a moonless night while holding the stump with my hand. Two days later Ileft the hospital after having my foot reattached and I strapped the injured leg up out of my way with a belt so I could start the framing of a 70 ft schooner without crutches being in my way. I believe that this particular accident was an extreme way for the energy to force me to feel. Refusing that I had a series of bazzare accidents.

 

I broke my back at the first lumbar along with my pelvise. Then I broke my neck in a car accident and continued to dive commercialy for 6 months before I was forced to go to a hospital because my left side becam parralized while working underwater. I had the experience of white pain at that time . This was so complete as not to allow me to feel me body, pain so intense as to be equal to the intensity of my awakening. This pain came about at the time I was puting on my diving helmit, and I was forced to wait almost an hour befor going diving for the day. I did not want to waist the gasoline. I had a bone chip buried in my spinal columne taking up half the space. Doctors wre amazed that I was not a quadropoligic. I still refused to even recognize emotions as more then a primative animal or feminine weekness. I continued to resist untill the age of 40 eighteen after my awakening. The final straw that broke me down was my sight had become so altered I could not see the physical form of matter.. Everthing was just energy and not solid.. This condition was agravated by any concentration.

 

Building wooden ships with a Zen like perfection requires total concentration and that concentration set off this change in sight. I was forced to stop cutting a fine piece of wood on the bandsaw because I could not see the line I was following on the wood or even the blade and could not risk cutting my fingers off. I broke down and cried at that time for the first ime in my memory. I did not cry as a child as I would not give my parents the satisfaction of admitting they hurt me. I had long hidden in the perfection and blissful energy of my work and that haven had been taken from me.

 

I also had used sex fiveor six times a day to moderate the energy and my relationship with my wife had disolved to a non sexual state. These two major factors brought me to heal emotionaly. The positive side was that once I started feeling the dammage buried in my cells I was able to release in enormous chunks and progressed very rabidly.. I had only to recognize a pattern and feel the stored pain and the pattern of consequential behavior would disappear. My personal experince with releasing pain and my time with helping my present wife heal from sexual abuse with her father as well as extensive healing of emotional damaged animals is my resource for my writings on emotions.

 

I lived in bliss and still do but I also used the bliss to hide from my pain. I live in a bazzare combination of feeling powerful pain from my injuries which include two fusions in my neck, two crushed diske in my lower back and fire through my reattached foot when I walk and the most beautiful peace and detachment from that pain. I still use sexual release about 1.5 times a day as an average in order to moderate the bliss so that I am able to function in the physical world being a parent of a six year old son with a potentialy fatal birth defect caused by my wife undergoing chemo at the age of 19. She is nearl incapacitated from the damage to her heart and vascular system and could leave us with a stroke at any moment. The incredable joy of enlightenment is I am at peace and would discribe myself as a very happy and blessed man. I hope this answered your question.

 

Peace and Love Guy

[farooq]

Hello Guy,

 

Thank you for sharing your experience.

 

reading it touched me deeply.

 

Are you familiar with a chi based healing modality called Quantum touch?

 

You can find out more about it at www.quantumtouch.com

 

I use it sometimes when ever my wife and kids are not well.

 

basically the idea is that each person can heal themselves if their vibration is high enough. When you do Quantum touch on someone else the combined vibration of the two people rises to accelerate healing.

 

Perhaps you and your family may be able to benefit from the above.

 

Best wishes to you and yours

[Yoda]

Guy--

 

Amazing story! You are off the chart!

 

Do you listen to music?

 

-Yoda

[MatthewQi]

Guy,

 

Very touching story. Thanks for sharing it.

 

I know many people who are now K awake who were abused as children. I have read that this is quite common in that the child goes inward becuase of the events in their external life.

 

Matt