sore loser

[fish-head]

I am a sore loser. There's probably a better term for it,s but that's what comes to mind. I have always been this way since I was a child. Some things do not worry me but used to. I avoid doing group activities/any form of competition for this reason but I have gotten better with many things.

If I play a simple computer game or don't understand things after repeated tries, I become absurdly frustrated and project this onto anyone or anything nearby.

 

Are there any suggestions from anyone that may help me correct this? are there any chapters from the tao te ching that give reference to this? Any other books?

[fiveelementtao]

I am a sore loser. There's probably a better term for it,s but that's what comes to mind. I have always been this way since I was a child. Some things do not worry me but used to. I avoid doing group activities/any form of competition for this reason but I have gotten better with many things.

If I play a simple computer game or don't understand things after repeated tries, I become absurdly frustrated and project this onto anyone or anything nearby.

 

Are there any suggestions from anyone that may help me correct this? are there any chapters from the tao te ching that give reference to this? Any other books?

 

Doing any meditations or energy work on the five elements can help. Frustration and anger can be transformed by knowing how to using the five elements to release/balance negative emotions that are stored and generated by the internal organs. Mantak Chia teaches a nice method of transforming negative emotions through the five elements...

[thelerner]

I don't think there are any 12 step programs

and I'd expect books to tell you what you already know.

 

So..practice. Practice losing gracefully. Play games, realize its just for fun and lose. Join a chess team. Join a martial art like Aikido or Judo where you're constantly getting thrown on your ass, get up and are thrown down again.

 

LOSE Lose lose, get used to it, accept it, THERE'S NO GETTING OUT OF THIS LIFE ALIVE.

 

 

[goldisheavy]

I am a sore loser. [snip]

 

Do you know why? Have you observed the psychodynamic that causes these reactions and behaviors you described?

[Iris]

you need to dissolve your ego - i.e. YOU don't actually exist to be the loser. This can be done with meditation. You could focus your conscious thoughts on being happy for the winner. Take this whole thing outside yourself and contemplate it. How does winning make you feel? Is this feeling what you are craving? Your brain and feelings, reactions are just reacting to some sensation on the body level - get in touch with the sensation that triggers all this - perhaps some old memory pattern is locked into this reaction - you need to deprogram this connection and make a healthier one. I really would try to cultivate happiness for the winner - that way you are a winner too but in more valuable ways.

You could also look into your Liver - perhaps it is causing undue frustration and irritability?

[DaoChild]

Practice self-awareness,

 

 

there is no number of passages that can help you. When you NOTICE yourself becoming a sore loser, ask WHY. And then fix it from there. Understand that is probably arises from people competitive in everything, and we can't possibly win everything. There will always be people better and worse.

[Trunk]

If I play a simple computer game or don't understand things after repeated tries, I become absurdly frustrated and project this onto anyone or anything nearby.

This sounds like it is perhaps not isolated to just losing in a game... but more general where frustration leads to out-of-measure out bursts of anger. Correct?

 

If so: Liver stagnation, and Liver fire rising out of control.

[Spirit Ape]

Or what we say in Emergency department for these types of people, 10mls of harden the F@ck UP!!!

 

Dont take life so seriously man, live life dont be a slave to crap....

[TheWhiteRabbit]

I had something to contribute but withdrew from pursuing it...

Edited February 25, 2009 by TheWhiteRabbit

[i_am_sam]

feel like a winner, then losing won't matter

 

because it doesn't

Edited February 25, 2009 by i_am_sam

[doc benway]

Winning is about control and possession - yang. Losing is acceptance and vulnerability - yin.

Like Spirit Ape said, being addicted to winning, like anything else, is slavery, and unbalanced

It can never be maintained.

In Taijiquan, there is a valuable lesson - invest in loss.

When we practice pushing hands, we learn much more by our losses than our wins.

When we lose, we identify weaknesses and opportunities to grow.

When we win, we are simply repeating successful patterns that we already know well - nothing is really gained.

Look deeply at what you feel when you lose - don't judge it, just be with it, lean into it, get to know the feeling and it will be less threatening, it'll be gone in minutes.

Similarly, look closely at what you feel when you win - sit with it, feel it, don't analyze it. You soon see that it's just a transient thrill, it's gone in seconds.

When one of us wins, another loses, and vice versa - it's mutual arising. And the distinction between loser and winner is arbitrary and illusory, so the net effect is simply balance, taiji.

[Trunk]

*quoting myself*

If so: Liver stagnation, and Liver fire rising out of control.

There are things that you can do about this.

- acupuncture and herbs by a doctor of chinese medicine

- self-acupressure (free, that you can do long term)

- super important to regularly do any sort of exercise that gets your blood circulating, on regular basis

- stretching might help

- important to keep hydrated. water, fruit juices.

 

Obviously this is something you've already noticed (and any deeper insights all to the better), and it's something since very early. So this is a long term project. There are things that you can do.

[Bruce]

As someone who was once a ladder climbing, success oriented yuppie ,

 

these are a couple of my favourite verses from the Tao Te Ching:

 

Success is as dangerous as failure.

Hope is as hollow as fear.

 

What does it mean that success is a dangerous as failure?

Whether you go up the ladder or down it,

you position is shaky.

When you stand with your two feet on the ground,

you will always keep your balance.

 

What does it mean that hope is as hollow as fear?

Hope and fear are both phantoms

that arise from thinking of the self.

When we don't see the self as self,

what do we have to fear?

 

See the world as your self.

Have faith in the way things are.

Love the world as your self;

then you can care for all things.

 

and this bit,

 

Stop thinking, and end your problems.

What difference between yes and no?

What difference between success and failure?

Must you value what others value,

avoid what others avoid?

How ridiculous!

 

To be really effective, you need to understand what these words mean. Like Goldisheavy said, "Do you know why? Have you observed the psychodynamic that causes these reactions and behaviors you described?". When you look deeply and understand this question, you will truely understand these words from the Tao.