How to properly thank a person

[mjjbecker]

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Edited August 26, 2009 by mjjbecker

[mjjbecker]

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Edited August 26, 2009 by mjjbecker

[h.uriahr]

This is simply your opinion. People are free to choose how they express gratitude, according to their own beliefs, opinions and feelings. They owe you no justification.

 

Nowhere in this post do you justify your opinion, but merely profess it as being 'the truth'. Unfortunately it transpires from your posts following this one that your motivation is hardly 'pure'.

 

Quite simply you resent the fact that people are thanking Santiago for things he has done for them. You cannot see why he should receive such thanks and be considered so highly, therefore the thanks and good standing must be wrong. Perhaps you are jealous, jealous that your 'contribution' has not been so warmly receiving and lauded? Why has Yoda not started up a 'greatest hits' thread to highlight your 'pearls of wisdom'?

 

It is a shame you cannot appreciate the value of his posts, because there is a lot of wisdom there if you can see it. That alone would be worth the gratitude shown. But there is more.

 

I have met very few people with such a joyful desire you share and help others as Santiago has. This I say freely as a cynical person. I know Santiago gives freely of his time to help others, and he makes no effort to publicise this. Yes, the KAP courses have a fee, but I have read numerous comments from students who say how they get more than what they paid for. And let me tell you this. Santiago knows a hell of a lot more about these things than a lot of the self proclaimed experts charging thousands of bucks for their teachings.

 

You may completely disagree with this. Fine. Be honest with yourself and admit that you posted this diatribe not for the benefit of others, but because of your own jealousy.

 

I will finish as I have remarked to you before. Gold may be heavy, but ego is heavier.

 

Hi Mike,

 

Did you leave for a bit??

[mjjbecker]

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Edited August 26, 2009 by mjjbecker

[h.uriahr]

Hello,

 

Just been busy with a few different things the last few months. Visiting people, moving, new job, that kind of thing.

 

Ah well welcome back. I hope all is well.

[Vajrasattva]

Mike you are a good man. See you in the "castle" later.

 

Salams : )

 

Santi

[farmerjoe]

The only thing I could have done better, arguably, in retrospect, is I could have avoided mentioning Vajra by name and instead make it more vague and less personal, but focus more on my point in the abstract terms rather then making it more concretely associated with a particular person.

 

This approach would have most certainly worked better. Then perhaps what could have followed is presenting your ideas/solutions as suggestions for consideration and inviting comments and participation from the whole community.

 

"...do we all see Golds point? Too much praise leading to bloated ego. It can also lead to clickishness. I don't agree with his solution, but his point is valid." thelerner

 

That is the only way I see that a Tao Bums "How to Properly Thank a Person" list would result - with the contributions and support of everyone. Even then it would serve as a guideline only, but at least the "the point" would always be considered benefiting everyone. Joe.

Edited March 6, 2009 by farmerjoe

[mjjbecker]

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Edited August 26, 2009 by mjjbecker

[ZenStatic]

Perhaps you should just take your opinions and fuck off? In the course of this thread you have managed to: completely misunderstand peoples intentions, say everyone that disagrees with you cant think, say that many peoples beliefs are bullshit, demand respect while giving none, and, worst to me, try and talk like you someones parent here. Almost every thread I ever see you posting in here is you bashing some kind of religion or beliefs with your own abused puppy style of bitching. You take your pain from whatever happened to you at some point, and have chosen to project it to anything that can be called a religion, and proceed to denigrate and disrespect any followers of any of them as much as you can. My opinion: you don't give a rats ass about helping someone grow spiritually. You probably joined this forum after reading 1 or 2 things you liked, and then after reading more began your crusade against your personal windmill. Well, have fun. Hopefully you and your wannabe atheist buddies get bored with trying to ruin this forum and move on shortly. We shall just have to see though.

[farmerjoe]

Perhaps you should just take your opinions and fuck off?

 

You are entitled to your anger but isn't it more important for you to get your point across? Your approach immediately puts the person you are speaking to on the defensive and your point is lost because of it. goldisheavy's is responsible for the same approach and that is why his point has been lost. That is a shame because his point is valid and he probably learned it in a way that involved great pain. Santiago was unfortunately or fortunately (depending on the way you look at it) the person who pushed his buttons exposing what he learned and the emotion that came with it. Santiago is a good guy because he really did help, not in the normal way that everyone thinks you should help someone, he helped just by being himself and that brought to light some things that goldisheavy needed to see . Joe.

Edited March 7, 2009 by farmerjoe

[forestofsouls]

I think I learn more by interacting with the goldisheavys of the world than most other folks. I do think that goldisheavy is sincere and coming from a good place.

 

Not everyone is a bright, joyous Santiago ball of energy.

[Vajrasattva]

You are entitled to your anger but isn't it more important for you to get your point across? Your approach immediately puts the person you are speaking to on the defensive and your point is lost because of it. goldisheavy's is responsible for the same approach and that is why his point has been lost. That is a shame because his point is valid and he probably learned it in a way that involved great pain. Santiago was unfortunately or fortunately (depending on the way you look at it) the person who pushed his buttons exposing what he learned and the emotion that came with it. Santiago is a good guy because he really did help, not in the normal way that everyone thinks you should help someone, he helped just by being himself and that brought to light some things that goldisheavy needed to see . Joe.

 

: )

 

I think I learn more by interacting with the goldisheavys of the world than most other folks. I do think that goldisheavy is sincere and coming from a good place.

 

Not everyone is a bright, joyous Santiago ball of energy.

 

 

true Gold is heavy is good too ultimately he is me & i am him.

[jadelily]

I think I learn more by interacting with the goldisheavys of the world than most other folks. I do think that goldisheavy is sincere and coming from a good place.

 

I love your posts goldisheavy!

 

http://www.thetaobums.com/index.php?showto...mp;#entry109279

Edited March 9, 2009 by jadelily

[soundhunter]

If you want to abandon reason as a harmonizing medium (which is what it is!), then you choose force and raw unstructured influence as your option. Be careful if that's what you choose, because I am the strongest of any of you here, and I'd hate to compete with any of you. If you want to put reason down and enter into a contest of will, you will lose, and you'll create nothing but pain while you are losing.

 

Reason is what leads people to peace. Reason is associated with reflectiveness and presence and not with doing. Force, or raw influence is associated with doing.

 

This is some intense words and antagonization

 

As a parent, I've learned that praise is a poor motivator for my kids, it turns them into praise junkies and they begin to do the things I praise to get more praise, instead of for their own merits. Thanking can be like praise/flattery etc, and these things are addictive to the recipient, so I understand your point about this.

 

I wish you shared this message with more sagely wisdom though, instead of with boxing gloves and a forked tongue. It's an interesting conversation about a reasonable subject that's been spoiled by unreasonable expectations and an unfriendly approach.

Edited March 9, 2009 by soundhunter

[Ryan T.]

It's an interesting conversation about a reasonable subject that's been spoiled by unreasonable expectations and an unfriendly approach.

 

That and the fact that gih seems to have a bullying nature about his opinions and the inability to see that his opinions are not, in fact, fact!

 

 

I do think that goldisheavy is sincere and coming from a good place.

 

Really? gih may be sincere but what have you read that makes you think this thread sprouted from a good place vs. a place of malice and hubris.

 

I've only seen the latter, at least in this thread.

[rex]

That and the fact that gih seems to have a bullying nature about his opinions ...

And the community responded in kind!

[farmerjoe]

And the community responded in kind!

 

Not everyone. There are some of us that have appreciated what he has had to say. There is a "point" otherwise people wouldn't bother posting. I read through for the "point". goldisheavy has always had good points and they are found in every post he makes. He hasn't learned the best way to present them yet to encourage the consideration of others is all. mjbecker used to write aggressively then mellowed out, he's forgotten that he used to be the same way. People can change. We all have stuff we are going through. If we focus on the points found in every post maybe we can withold our anger and actually read through each post without it so we can see the wisdom. There have been lots of spiritual leaders that have been very unlikeable and morally corrupt. What is the measure of wisdom, if it doesn't come in the "proper" package should it be overlooked?

 

I like goldisheavy and have enjoyed his posts the most. He stirs the pot and gets people out of their sleepy mode and gets them thinking. Even with stuff like this we can get into a rut.

 

Even with stuff like this.

 

I have to go now. It's time for me to go - girlfriend, too much schoolwork, 2 jobs, dog, cat, and 3 goldfish and practice.

 

My best to everyone. Joe.

[三江源]

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Edited April 9, 2015 by 三江源

[kevin]

I WANT TO PERSONALLY THANK ON TAO BUMBS ALL THE KAP FOLKS, YODA, SEAN, ALL THE TAO BUMBS IN GENERAL, ALL THE TAO BUMB HEALERS HELPING OUT IN THE HEALING CIRCLE, ALL THE TAO BUMBS THAT HAVE ALLOWED ME TO HELP THEM OUT, THE CREATOR

Santi, you have a lot of heart! I like that.

 

THANK YOU!

[rex]

[Ian]

So, powering up my rusty apparatus in an attempt to produce reason:

 

The problem arises because of how we currently build reputation within conventional reality. When people are well spoken of, they rise in reputation. So if someone is praised once, then again, and then again, eventually that person gains some stature.

 

I would like this "gain" in stature to be fair, which means it needs to be reasonably transparent. So for example, if someone is thanked for vague or abstract reasons over and over there is a very real possibility that this person will gain in stature for dubious reasons because the reasons are not available for inspection. This allows people who are inappropriate for those roles to assume authoritative roles in society.

 

Why would you like ithe gain in stature to be fair? Why should other people go along with it in order to produce something you like?

 

Do you believe that anyone appropriate assumes authoritative roles, ever? How do you define appropriate?

 

Ok, reason switching off, as of now.

 

Unreasonably, I would again like to ask if you'd be willing to supply any personal / biographical detail about yourself, however inconsequential. It would be nice to know more about you.

[mjjbecker]

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Edited August 26, 2009 by mjjbecker

[goldisheavy]

I don't strive to be rude on purpose. But sometimes I come off as rude because when I am in a hurry to convey some "deep" (for my tiny mind) meaning I don't spend a lot of time thinking how what I say will affect the feelings of others. I spend so much time trying to be honest before myself and maintaining my integrity, that none is left for anything else. At the same time, I am not intractable either. If someone discusses some issue with me, as long as it's done logically, there is a very good chance to change my opinion and behavior, at least for a short time, until my old tendencies kick back in and you have to do it all over again.

 

It's tricky to change my behavior long term though. That's because there is a lot swimming in my mind, so it's not like a small suggestion is all it takes. I may require 100 million "small" suggestions for change. If any of you want to change me, good luck and you are welcome to try. I won't specifically resist your attempts, and in fact I welcome them, but I can't promise success either. I do change with times, naturally, so it's also possible that if you wait long enough, I'll become closer to what you want to see (of course I can also become even further away from what you like to see), and this can oscillate.

 

In any case, I am not nearly (not even close) so important that you need to devote an entire thread to discussing me. However, please don't let me stop you. You are welcome to talk about me as much as you like. You are especially welcome to criticize me. Bonus points if you are logical.

 

 

There is no need to struggle over whether I am good or not good. Truth is I am like any other tool. For example, try cutting paper with a hammer -- it sucks. But try hitting a nail into board! It's much better than scissors. If you take everything I say with a pound of salt and if you apply your own mind, critical and alert, you might actually benefit from what I saying. If you just want someone to tell you "how it is", then what I am saying will possibly disturb you, annoy you, make you insane, or make you very happy for a short time followed by a big disappointment later on when you will curse my name and the day I was born.

 

Please carry on.

Edited March 10, 2009 by goldisheavy

[goldisheavy]

This is simply your opinion. People are free to choose how they express gratitude, according to their own beliefs, opinions and feelings. They owe you no justification.

 

Of course it's my opinion. Has anything other than an opinion been ever made known to you? Ever? If you say "yes", then that's just your opinion, and we all have one, you know that line, right?

 

To say that people are free to express gratitude any old way they like is fine, but you must keep in mind it's like saying that if you get hungry, you are free to satisfy your hunger in any old way you like. So, if I get hungry and I eat your brain for dinner, and that's fine with you -- you've earned the right to say that it's also fine to express gratitude in any way you like. No problem then, all is on the up and up.

 

However, if you hold to morals of any kind and if you believe that society and humanity should be structured in any way whatsoever, then immediately you fall under the power of my words on how to thank people properly and you become my bitch, whether you like it or not. It's your own mind that does it. It's not me. You decide whether to be moral or not. If you practice amorality, then what's the problem? You don't even have to talk, you can just come over and whack me on the head. On the other hand, if you, like me, prefer morality, then we do have to discuss things, even small things sometimes.

 

Your words can be read as "I don't want to discuss this", and that's terrible. This kind of closedness will be your undoing.

[goldisheavy]

So, powering up my rusty apparatus in an attempt to produce reason:

Why would you like ithe gain in stature to be fair?

 

So that the feeble minded people who follow uncritically at least follow good role models. That way the drone-power is not put into the wrong hands.

 

Why should other people go along with it in order to produce something you like?

 

To get me to treat them pleasantly. If other people don't want good relations with me, they can do as they please. I assume I am worth having good relations with. I might be wrong, but that's my operating assumption! Does anyone here operate free of such assumption? Please raise your hand so I can make a mental note of you for the future.

 

Do you believe that anyone appropriate assumes authoritative roles, ever? How do you define appropriate?

 

Yes, I believe sometimes it happens. Appropriate doesn't mean perfect either. It just means someone who is contemplative and doesn't believe the first thing they hear in a hurry. An appropriate person will have a balanced mix of passive observation and active envisioning skills, of both contemplation and relaxation, and have the good sense to prefer informality and honesty to formality and protocol. An appropriate person welcomes criticism, at least on paper, if not in reality. If it's just on paper, then at least such person strives to make it real. Welcoming criticism doesn't mean having no firm opinions, and it doesn't imply an ability to ignore what's being said. It just means according a proper place for criticisms, which is hard to define, but it's neither nothing (that's too little) nor everything (that's too much). It's a person who has an interesting character and is not a cookie-cutter personality of some other person. I slap this last one just for my own entertainment. I can't stand cookie-cutter drones.

Edited March 10, 2009 by goldisheavy