Bum Grasshopper Posted October 12, 2009 I wish I had a pterodactyl! Your wish is my command. A pterodactyl is found frozen at the south pole. It is thawed and comes back to life. It is famished by being frozen for so long, so it eats you and shits you out over Mount Everest. I wish I can control the weather. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pietro Posted October 12, 2009 Your wish is my command. A pterodactyl is found frozen at the south pole. It is thawed and comes back to life. It is famished by being frozen for so long, so it eats you and shits you out over Mount Everest. I wish I can control the weather. Granted. You soon find that you can effortlessly, and with no limit command the weather. Soon other people realize it too, and then you start to be asked by everybody to make it rain, no sunshine, no windy. In the meantime plants start to die because you are just not good enough, and don't know when and how it should rain and stop raining. Then something bad happens, you get angry for whatever reason, and next thing you know, a tornado is destroying houses all around you. Except that by now people know of your power, and you are considered legally responsible in front of the law... I wish global warming was a scam :-( Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ninpo-me-this-ninjutsu-me-that Posted October 13, 2009 Granted. You soon find that you can effortlessly, and with no limit command the weather. Soon other people realize it too, and then you start to be asked by everybody to make it rain, no sunshine, no windy. In the meantime plants start to die because you are just not good enough, and don't know when and how it should rain and stop raining. Then something bad happens, you get angry for whatever reason, and next thing you know, a tornado is destroying houses all around you. Except that by now people know of your power, and you are considered legally responsible in front of the law... I wish global warming was a scam :-( It is....download 'the great global warming swindle' on isohunt.com, fantastic documentary. You'll need a torrent software first though. However, in keeping with the spirit of the thread... Granted. It's a great big scam and you told everyone! Uncovering this scam to the world at first everyone thanks you, then because they realize 'global warming' was all scientific misrepresentation they relax and start trashing the Earth big time! Now we all live in a huge smelly dump, still, no global warming at least! I wish I had 6 hands. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Apech Posted October 13, 2009 I wish I had 6 hands. Granted. You wake up one morning with six hands. Unfortunately your brain takes time to adapt. In the first few days you can't control the hands which seem to have minds of their own. You are arrested for shop lifting and indecent assault. But the judge is lenient with his three months jail sentence but only for two of your hands. When you get out things get better. You make a fortune at virtuoso piano playing, speed touch typing and you are a big hit with women (I don't have to explain why). Now it is cool to have six hands. So cool that you take up smoking. But your hands get envious of the one that holds the cigarette - to appease them you have to smoke six at once and quickly you die from lung disease. But hey it was good while it lasted. I wish I could stop wishing for things. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mal Posted October 20, 2009 I wish I could stop wishing for things. Granted you have not wished for anything for at least a week. I wish hitting garden gnomes with a cricket bat was a sport. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamingawake Posted October 20, 2009 Granted you have not wished for anything for at least a week. I wish hitting garden gnomes with a cricket bat was a sport. Granted! you create the sport tomorrow in your neighbors yard... without telling your neighbor. A chunk of gnome hits his wife in the eye and you end up in jail because the judge didn't buy your defense of "gnome cricket is a real sport!!" unbeknownst to you, the guy across the street thought it was funny as hell and the sport catches on all over the country but he gets the credit so he's rich and famous while your in jail. to make matters worse, when you finally get out, you can't even play because you got raped so many times in prison that you can't run straight! I wish was I could teleport a la 'jumper' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheWhiteRabbit Posted November 11, 2009 Granted! you create the sport tomorrow in your neighbors yard... without telling your neighbor. A chunk of gnome hits his wife in the eye and you end up in jail because the judge didn't buy your defense of "gnome cricket is a real sport!!" unbeknownst to you, the guy across the street thought it was funny as hell and the sport catches on all over the country but he gets the credit so he's rich and famous while your in jail. to make matters worse, when you finally get out, you can't even play because you got raped so many times in prison that you can't run straight! I wish was I could teleport a la 'jumper' Okay, had to watch the movie first. Awesome, didnt even know about it. Okay so you have the ability to teleport anywhere when you feel like it. Unfortunately you get caught on a few of those street webcams in Hong Kong and in Amsterdam by accident due to not being too careful about a year or two after you find your special powers. The videos of you teleporting make it on YouTube and you are forever made out to be a freak and held in derision by the public. (Because people in general have never been too understanding.) You live out your life, rich but due to media coverage -hopelessly alone. I wish for a bag of cinnamon bears. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamingawake Posted November 12, 2009 Okay, had to watch the movie first. Awesome, didnt even know about it. Okay so you have the ability to teleport anywhere when you feel like it. Unfortunately you get caught on a few of those street webcams in Hong Kong and in Amsterdam by accident due to not being too careful about a year or two after you find your special powers. The videos of you teleporting make it on YouTube and you are forever made out to be a freak and held in derision by the public. (Because people in general have never been too understanding.) You live out your life, rich but due to media coverage -hopelessly alone. I wish for a bag of cinnamon bears. Granted!! You hear a strange noise at the door and when you open it there's a giant plastic bag full of 'cinnamon bears'. There are five cinnamon colored bears and you can actually smell the cinnamon flavor but only for a moment. Turns out they think your just as tasty as you think they are, but they're bears so your completely out matched. They tear out of the bag drag you inside spend the rest of the day on your couch chatting about how tasty those little white rabbit candies are.. My girlfriend just asked that I wish for an unlimited supply of peanut butter for her. (she's addicted to the stuff) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thelerner Posted November 12, 2009 Granted!! You hear a strange noise at the door and when you open it there's a giant plastic bag full of 'cinnamon bears'. There are five cinnamon colored bears and you can actually smell the cinnamon flavor but only for a moment. Turns out they think your just as tasty as you think they are, but they're bears so your completely out matched. They tear out of the bag drag you inside spend the rest of the day on your couch chatting about how tasty those little white rabbit candies are.. My girlfriend just asked that I wish for an unlimited supply of peanut butter for her. (she's addicted to the stuff) That night she rubs peanut butter all over herself and you have a wonderful time, but as the week wears on she becomes more interested in the peanut butter then you, with a chubby peanutty hand she waves you away. I wish it would stay in the 50's here in the Midwest for another 2 weeks. Michael Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamingawake Posted November 12, 2009 That night she rubs peanut butter all over herself and you have a wonderful time, but as the week wears on she becomes more interested in the peanut butter then you, with a chubby peanutty hand she waves you away. I wish it would stay in the 50's here in the Midwest for another 2 weeks. Michael Granted!! It does in fact remain in the 50's for another two weeks. As it turns out the vast majority of expert scientists from all over the world were wrong and global warming IS happening.... now. It stays in the fifties or warmer for the rest of winter and by mid spring its already more than 150 degrees. The planet soon becomes unlivable and we all die off. In more pleasant, unrelated news, Al Gore gets eaten by Manbearpig... turns out he was right about that too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ohm-Nei Posted November 12, 2009 Granted!! It does in fact remain in the 50's for another two weeks. As it turns out the vast majority of expert scientists from all over the world were wrong and global warming IS happening.... now. It stays in the fifties or warmer for the rest of winter and by mid spring its already more than 150 degrees. The planet soon becomes unlivable and we all die off. In more pleasant, unrelated news, Al Gore gets eaten by Manbearpig... turns out he was right about that too. Wait, so whats your wish ? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamingawake Posted November 12, 2009 Wait, so whats your wish ? oops I wish, I no longer needed sleep. (just think what I could do with all that extra time!) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheWhiteRabbit Posted November 13, 2009 (edited) ... Edited July 3, 2010 by TheWhiteRabbit Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mal Posted January 8, 2010 I wish for a core 8 processor. Granted you are the proud owner of the one and only core 8 processor in existence Unfortunately Teraflops Research Chip (Polaris), an 3.16 GHz, 80-core processor prototype goes into production 5 years ahead of schedule You also have to spend 23.5 hours a day rewriting programs so they will run on your core 8 I wish people would corrupt wishes rather than fighting over practices that start with K on TTB. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taomeow Posted January 8, 2010 Granted you are the proud owner of the one and only core 8 processor in existence Unfortunately Teraflops Research Chip (Polaris), an 3.16 GHz, 80-core processor prototype goes into production 5 years ahead of schedule You also have to spend 23.5 hours a day rewriting programs so they will run on your core 8 I wish people would corrupt wishes rather than fighting over practices that start with K on TTB. Granted. People corrupt enlightened being's wish for the right to prevail over wrong. This results in the cessation of K-related fighting and all other forms of resistance to wrong. No one can set anything right anymore. Welcome to the wrong side of the tracks... forever. I wish I could give some of my post-taiji high to someone in Europe who could benefit from being awake right now. (It's freakin' 4:44 am here.) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fiveelementtao Posted January 9, 2010 (edited) Granted. People corrupt enlightened being's wish for the right to prevail over wrong. This results in the cessation of K-related fighting and all other forms of resistance to wrong. No one can set anything right anymore. Welcome to the wrong side of the tracks... forever. I wish I could give some of my post-taiji high to someone in Europe who could benefit from being awake right now. (It's freakin' 4:44 am here.) Granted. Unfortunately, your energy goes to mad scientist in Scotland who has been having difficulty perfecting his doomsday device because of his lack of sleep brought on by his obsessive unwillingess to sleep until he perfects his device. Enlivened by your Tai Ji energy, he is able to finally add the finishing touches to his explosive device. Satisfied at finally achieving his goal, he takes a well needed nap and when he awakens, he will destroy the world. I wish I had more time and dedication for cultivation... Edited January 9, 2010 by fiveelementtao Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
forestofclarity Posted January 9, 2010 Granted. You find yourself in maximum security, solitary confinement, under a life sentence. The bad news: only one hour of exercise a day. Good news? 23 hours of cultivation. I wish there was no more clinging. I wish I had more time and dedication for cultivation... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sloppy Zhang Posted January 9, 2010 Granted. You find yourself in maximum security, solitary confinement, under a life sentence. The bad news: only one hour of exercise a day. Good news? 23 hours of cultivation. I wish there was no more clinging. Granted, now nobody cares about anybody at all. We are all island unto ourselves. The loneliness leads many to suicide. I wish my family would take a chill pill, the tension in the house can be cut with a knife! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamingawake Posted June 19, 2010 Granted, now nobody cares about anybody at all. We are all island unto ourselves. The loneliness leads many to suicide. I wish my family would take a chill pill, the tension in the house can be cut with a knife! Granted!! They all take a 'chill pill' given to them by some creepy scientist guy with a lazy eye and within 20 minutes they're all frozen in blocks of ice. If you hurry you might be able to chip them out before they suffocate but be ready to care for them for the next few weeks while they combat pneumonia. That's a lot of chicken soup to make... I wish gummie bears could talk. Especially the 4ib gummie in my kitchen. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thelerner Posted June 20, 2010 Granted!! They all take a 'chill pill' given to them by some creepy scientist guy with a lazy eye and within 20 minutes they're all frozen in blocks of ice. If you hurry you might be able to chip them out before they suffocate but be ready to care for them for the next few weeks while they combat pneumonia. That's a lot of chicken soup to make... I wish gummie bears could talk. Especially the 4ib gummie in my kitchen. Wish granted, they can talk and start screaming monster, monster. Apparently they can walk too since the 4 pounder grabs a kitchen knife and starts ambling towards you. I wish I could get a good nights sleep tonight. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sloppy Zhang Posted June 20, 2010 Wish granted, they can talk and start screaming monster, monster. Apparently they can walk too since the 4 pounder grabs a kitchen knife and starts ambling towards you. I wish I could get a good nights sleep tonight. Granted, you have the best sleep of your life. But now you can never sleep again. I wish I was a ninja. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Birch Posted June 20, 2010 Granted You are called upon by many warlords, you must decide who you will serve. I wish I was love incarnate. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan Posted June 20, 2010 Granted, but nobody loves YOU, and nobody believes in you. I feel bad now, i wish i didnt corrupt your wish! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Birch Posted June 20, 2010 (edited) "I feel bad now, i wish i didnt corrupt your wish!" Granted. You did not corrupt my wish that I am love incarnate. Everyone believes in me. But they don't like that quite as much as believing in themselves, so they suffer. I wish we could all start over again. Edited June 20, 2010 by Kate Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan Posted June 20, 2010 granted. but since everything started over again, we have to evolve into humans again before you get this message. I wish i knew what to wish for. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
