Matters of the heart...

[JEN_A_KINS]

I have only been studing the way for a few weeks, but over all, my general mood has been calm and peaceful. I have been getting up early every morning to do my breathing exercising, and I believe they are working.

 

This last Thursday, I was informed that my son's father (whom I left 3 years ago) has been arrested, yet again on drug charges. Normally, I would fly off the handle and would be irrational about the whole situation.

 

This time, however, I was simply unable to become angry about the situation. No addreniline rush, no cursing session....just .....nothing. I know this is going to be hard on my soon to be 5 year old son, but I just couldn't get angry....this, absolutely, blew my mind. (I am not stating that I could never become angry again.)

 

Then, Saturday, I had the compelling urge to gather up the few things they allow you to bring the prisoners...socks, underware, white t-shirts....and bring them to him. I did, and he was absolutely dumbfounded...he wanted to know why I was behaving so strangely.

 

I have no choice but to attribute this strange behavior to the fact that I am trying to live a balanced life in everyway.

 

I tried, briefly, to explain this to him...unfortunately, he not only could not grasp what I was talking about, but he flat out called me a liar.

 

Normally, this would have infuriated me.....but, I couldn't help feeling sorry for him. Not because he was in jail, but because he couldn't understand.......curious, very curious.

[Fire Dragon]

I have only been studing the way for a few weeks, but over all, my general mood has been calm and peaceful. I have been getting up early every morning to do my breathing exercising, and I believe they are working.

 

This last Thursday, I was informed that my son's father (whom I left 3 years ago) has been arrested, yet again on drug charges. Normally, I would fly off the handle and would be irrational about the whole situation.

 

This time, however, I was simply unable to become angry about the situation. No addreniline rush, no cursing session....just .....nothing. I know this is going to be hard on my soon to be 5 year old son, but I just couldn't get angry....this, absolutely, blew my mind. (I am not stating that I could never become angry again.)

 

Then, Saturday, I had the compelling urge to gather up the few things they allow you to bring the prisoners...socks, underware, white t-shirts....and bring them to him. I did, and he was absolutely dumbfounded...he wanted to know why I was behaving so strangely.

 

I have no choice but to attribute this strange behavior to the fact that I am trying to live a balanced life in everyway.

 

I tried, briefly, to explain this to him...unfortunately, he not only could not grasp what I was talking about, but he flat out called me a liar.

 

Normally, this would have infuriated me.....but, I couldn't help feeling sorry for him. Not because he was in jail, but because he couldn't understand.......curious, very curious.

 

 

 

Hello Nice story. Yes the breathing exercises makes you more centered and you might get psychological effects and more ballanced emotions only after a short while with them. I think I'm also more ballnced since I started my practise sereal years ago.

 

You will meet many people that not understund this kind of practises. Lao-tzu said that you should treate you practises as the most secret secret. Pehaps not to get bad feedback from people that not understund.

 

Of course in your case the long time span of three years might it become easier and easier to not become emotional depending on hes behaviour, you will be more and more free from hem as time pas by.

 

Being in jail, hmmm. Many people start theire practise as prisoners, it is one way of making the time you have with yourself full of meaning, perhaps you might be able to learn him some exercises? He sertainly have the time to practise. From my system the healing dao or the universal dao theire have been projects with prisoners to help them relieve some emotional problems and so.

 

I didn't understund either you in your last words "curious so very curious"?

 

 

 

Thanks for your story

 

 

F D

[Wayfarer64]

It seems as if you have reached a good level of inner calm in your practices.

 

Breathing is the key to all practice in my opinion. Staying unemotional may seem curious to you but it is only the true inner self realizing where you are actually at and that the activities of those around you need not put you off balance.

 

It is sad when people who we care about -(even if only for the sake of our kids etc...) just do not understand how compassionate behavior needs no hidden agenda...

 

 

I do not want to pry, but it also seems a good idea to me for you to keep your distance from the guy. Perhaps just seek another person to offer him face to face companionship and hopefully guidance etc- like a shrink or councler may be able to do...

 

drugs have deeply harmed our society, and while I am a proponent of legalizing hemp usage, and pychotropic vision searches have great value if properly done; but that is pretty much where I draw the line for non-medical drug use... escapism is a dead end...

 

I am glad that you feel comfortible here - and can share this way it does us all some good to be open about our interactions...

 

love to all-Pat

[Aetherous]

Well, your behavior seems nice!

[Deepbluesea]

Congratulations on your feelings of being balanced.

 

I'm guessing here, but it sounds like you may have been hurt by this guy and your feelings for him sound sincere. The fact that you feel sorry for him particularly though would raise concerns with anyone that has dealt with women that have been used/abused. You have to know that you are presenting a pattern that has not been healthy for many other women. I agree with Wayfarer in that leaving him alone right now may be a healthier route to go.

 

No one is better suited to progressing through this than you. No counselor, or online buddy, or chatroom knows your situation and you better than yourself. Use your meditation and breathing techniques to be honest with yourself ... know that you have come a long way, but also know that your situation would be considered dangerous by many.

 

My thoughts are with you, good luck.

[goldisheavy]

Jen A Kins,

 

That's real magic you got there.

[Aasin]

Just a little while ago I walked by my ex-girlfriend. Before, whenever I saw her I would be infuriated at how a calm breakup quickly ended horribly.

 

Today though I just saw her and walked on. I hardly even gave it a second thought. Had this been some time ago, I would have been up all night thinking about my experience with her.

 

Like you, the Tao has helped me stay calm in situations which would end up making others riled up.

[JEN_A_KINS]

It seems as if you have reached a good level of inner calm in your practices.

 

Breathing is the key to all practice in my opinion. Staying unemotional may seem curious to you but it is only the true inner self realizing where you are actually at and that the activities of those around you need not put you off balance.

 

It is sad when people who we care about -(even if only for the sake of our kids etc...) just do not understand how compassionate behavior needs no hidden agenda...

I do not want to pry, but it also seems a good idea to me for you to keep your distance from the guy. Perhaps just seek another person to offer him face to face companionship and hopefully guidance etc- like a shrink or councler may be able to do...

 

drugs have deeply harmed our society, and while I am a proponent of legalizing hemp usage, and pychotropic vision searches have great value if properly done; but that is pretty much where I draw the line for non-medical drug use... escapism is a dead end...

 

I am glad that you feel comfortible here - and can share this way it does us all some good to be open about our interactions...

 

love to all-Pat

 

 

To all of you who have responded...

Thank you for your advice and kind words. Yes, I was very hurt by this individual a long time ago and although it no longer bothers me to be around him, it is still a strained relationship. For my sons sake, I have always tried to be civil with him. I will be taking ya'lls advice, and just leaving him alone. He has others in his life that can comfort him while he is in prison. I know that I need to focus on my son instead. I have always had a big heart and have been accused of being "too compassionate"

 

....for example, I was managing a little dinner a few years ago at a truck stop, and I noticed a younge boy, about 16 years old with a duffle bag had been sitting in front of the store for several hours. I finally asked him what was going on. He said that he had come to shreveport to live with his dad for a while, he was from Lafayette...and that his dad was a raging alcoholic. As he explained his situation, he began to cry histerically. He had gotten word that his mother had been in a horrible car wreck in Lafayette and his father rufused to take him to see her. He was about to turn 17 in two days, and decided that even if he had to hitch hike, he was going home to his mother. He had no idea how to hitch hike though, and was trying to work up the nerve to ask someone for a ride.

 

Being a mother, this absolutely broke my heart. Without hesitation, I fixed him some food on the house, and started making phone calls. I found out the name of the hospital, and called to let him talk to his mother. He only had $30.00 on him, not nearly enough to get him home. I had just recieved a bonus at work.....I loaded him up with a to-go box full of food, drove him down town to the bus station and purchased a one way ticket to lafayette....he of course, refused this at first, but after a long conversation, he agreed. He asked for my address so that he could repay me.....a stipulation for excepting the bus ticket.

 

I want you to know, that about 3 weeks later, I recieved a letter containing $100.00 from him and a long note thanking me.

 

I had nothing to gain from helping this kid.....I just wished that if my son were ever in this situation, someone honest would help him.

 

Again, thank you all.

[Wayfarer64]

My thoughts and my hearts' warmth are with you. As are so many here-

 

That yr own compassion offered that kid some real warmth is reason enough to have done the deed & now added to that you share the story. The sharing of human kindness radiates and grows, as is the case with any act and story of compassion...

 

The joining of beings in open-hearted trust is a great blessing everywhere on our planet... I'm glad you've shared all this tender- heartedness with us. Your son must be very well loved and I bet he knoiws it too!

 

stay strong and secure that yr path has the gumption of rightiousness!

 

- But don't get too "cocky" or mybe "self-rightious" is the better term- humility in rightiousness counts far more than any hubris -

 

Love to all-Pat

[JEN_A_KINS]

My thoughts and my hearts' warmth are with you. As are so many here-

 

That yr own compassion offered that kid some real warmth is reason enough to have done the deed & now added to that you share the story. The sharing of human kindness radiates and grows, as is the case with any act and story of compassion...

 

The joining of beings in open-hearted trust is a great blessing everywhere on our planet... I'm glad you've shared all this tender- heartedness with us. Your son must be very well loved and I bet he knoiws it too!

 

stay strong and secure that yr path has the gumption of rightiousness!

 

- But don't get too "cocky" or mybe "self-rightious" is the better term- humility in rightiousness counts far more than any hubris -

 

Love to all-Pat

 

Thank you

[mjjbecker]

Edited July 8, 2009 by mjjbecker