low libido...in men

[JEN_A_KINS]

this is an odd question for me to ask, as it is something very personal. I have been with the same guy for the last year, and have known for the beginning that he lacked a "normal" sex drive. at first, it was at least 2-3 times a month, but for the last 4 months or so....i've been lucky to get it once every month and a half -two months. I have asked him about this, and he becomes very upset. He knows that this isn't normal behavior for a 27 year old male. He says he simply doesn't have the urge anymore. He says it has been going on for years and we just don't know what to do about it. He hates to take medication for anything. So, I would like to know what natural herbs and such would be helpful.

[awake]

Maybe he's not attracted to you. Most guys wanna fuck the shit out of girls they are attracted to.

 

And yes, I mean that as the bomb it sounds like. You're fairly attractive, but some people just weren't made for eachother, and feel "stuck" in relationships because of small amounts of feelings, or fear of not having someone after breaking up.

 

Or, maybe he's got too much mind activity or stress.

 

His mental state is not normal, so look for things in his everday life that aren't normal either.

Edited May 4, 2009 by awake

[JEN_A_KINS]

Maybe he's not attracted to you. Most guys wanna fuck the shit out of girls they are attracted to.

 

And yes, I mean that as the bomb it sounds like. You're fairly attractive, but some people just weren't made for eachother, and feel "stuck" in relationships because of small amounts of feelings, or fear of not having someone after breaking up.

 

Or, maybe he's got too much mind activity or stress.

 

His mental state is not normal, so look for things in his everday life that aren't normal either.

 

 

Trust me, it's the first thing I thought of! So, no bomb. I have had that conversation with him. And even though he asured me that he is in love with me and finds me attractive, he just can't. Of course, I had to investigate alittle further. His best friend of 12 years informed me that he has heard the same complaint form his last 3 girlfriends. So, again, I am looking for a natural way to help him.

[Spiritual_Aspirant]

There are many factors that can be considered.

 

1. If it is truly a physical problem, maybe psychological. I would recommend Korean Red or Chinese Red Ginseng. Is he under so much stress? If so maybe he needs to take a vacation or something. Go on a cruise, etc. If he doesn't mind doing exercises, I'd recommend the Five Tibetan Rites of Rejuvenation. The details of the exercise can be easily found online. I recommend the Five Tibetans because it is simple and takes little time to perform. Of course other yoga/qi gong practices are good too. If he's open to it, visit a Pranic Healer or other practitioners of energy healing. Or maybe visit a doctor, maybe he has a hormone imbalance etc..

 

2. Maybe he is emotionally withdrawn. Maybe he's under a lot of stress, or maybe, just maybe he's met someone else (THIS IS A BIG MAYBE, I DON'T WANT TO CAUSE ANY TROUBLE), or maybe you and he are not compatible (AGAIN, MAYBE).. Talk to him about it or try couples' counseling.

 

3. I hate to bring this up because few people believe in this, but it is a possibility that wrong Feng Shui is a factor here. I read a good feng shui book, "Feng Shui Your Life" by Jayme Barrett. She learned Feng Shui from Master Choa Kok Sui, founder of Pranic Healing and Arhatic Yoga. The Feng Shui taught in this book is not restrictive to Chinese culture. It provides energetic solutions without superstition and arcane rituals.

[Pietro]

Trust me, it's the first thing I thought of! So, no bomb. I have had that conversation with him. And even though he asured me that he is in love with me and finds me attractive, he just can't. Of course, I had to investigate alittle further. His best friend of 12 years informed me that he has heard the same complaint form his last 3 girlfriends. So, again, I am looking for a natural way to help him.

 

does he masturbates, and uses porn?

 

is he very much in his mind? I have a friend who recently explained me how he was having trouble with his gf. Of a similar nature. By chatting it came out that he was totally disconnected with his body. Now he is starting some light qi gung, but it will take time to recover.

 

In any case there is a certain percentage of men who are simply not interested in sex. The idea that we all should be interested in sex is something we are inoculated intravenously through the TV. Some people simply do not have any sexual urge. They might still have sex to reproduce, but that's about it.

 

And the I agree on the fact that not being interested (on in the other) can really be an issue. And I shall add that being interested have nothing to do with the beauty of a girl. You would expect that the prettier a girl was the more magic there was, but in my experience this is not the case. You clarified very well that this is not the case, but someone else might be reading this, so I thought I would mention it.

[Loke]

...

 

Take him to a doctor.

[松永道]

this is an odd question for me to ask, as it is something very personal. I have been with the same guy for the last year, and have known for the beginning that he lacked a "normal" sex drive. at first, it was at least 2-3 times a month, but for the last 4 months or so....i've been lucky to get it once every month and a half -two months. I have asked him about this, and he becomes very upset. He knows that this isn't normal behavior for a 27 year old male. He says he simply doesn't have the urge anymore. He says it has been going on for years and we just don't know what to do about it. He hates to take medication for anything. So, I would like to know what natural herbs and such would be helpful.

 

A rather Yin guy huh?

 

Tight neck and shoulders, easily tired lower back (likes to slouch)? Tends to forget to eat? Or sporadically eats, sometimes lot sometimes little, without daily rhythm?

 

If any of that sounds familiar this is a common pattern that acupuncture and herbs would definitely help. So would more exercise - especially exercises for the lower abdominal (dantian) area. Best of all would be reverse abdominal breathing, but maybe that's more work than he's looking for. In fact, it's a challenge to control the sex drive once a reverse abdominal breathing practice has been established.. maybe that's more work that you're looking for.

[Deepbluesea]

What is his diet like?

 

I know that I feel A LOT better when I eat very little meat (wife is vegetarian so there is not much around anyways) and mega vegetables. Fruit is good, but eating broccoli, cauliflower, spinach and other greens, keeps me happy. When I am at my best the only meat I'll eat is raw tuna. I also take a multivitamin every day. If I lose my discipline and stop for a double angry whopper combo meal, it can effect me for days.

 

Does he exercise?

 

He really should be doing a half an hour of anything that gets his heart moving a day, throw in some weights here and there if you can. If on top of that you can get him started in yoga, chi gung, tai chi: anything to focus on something other than all the usual daily crap. A hike in the woods also does wonders.

 

If his last three girlfriends complained to his friend about it, I bet he is dragging around a lot of weight from it. Our society places so much emphasis on male performance, he obviously knows that he is outside of the average. Did this have anything to do with why he is no longer with these girls? I knew a couple that got married and only had sex once in the first year ... the marriage didn't make it to the second year.

 

I am sure there are all kinds of herbs and stuff he could take but I would start with diet, exercise, and calming the mind ... which it sounds like you are really interested in already.

[Tao99]

I don't know.

Edited May 5, 2009 by Tao99

[Thunder_Gooch]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kegel_exercise

 

As a guy; saying you don't have the urge for sex, usually means you are bored with sex and masturbation is more pleasurable. I've known a few women who really had incredible muscle strength and could make a grip that would break your hand, I'd never get bored of sex with them.

 

 

 

this is an odd question for me to ask, as it is something very personal. I have been with the same guy for the last year, and have known for the beginning that he lacked a "normal" sex drive. at first, it was at least 2-3 times a month, but for the last 4 months or so....i've been lucky to get it once every month and a half -two months. I have asked him about this, and he becomes very upset. He knows that this isn't normal behavior for a 27 year old male. He says he simply doesn't have the urge anymore. He says it has been going on for years and we just don't know what to do about it. He hates to take medication for anything. So, I would like to know what natural herbs and such would be helpful.

[Unconditioned]

Does he use any recreational drugs? Marijuana and other drugs can affect sex drive.

[Taoist81]

this is an odd question for me to ask, as it is something very personal. I have been with the same guy for the last year, and have known for the beginning that he lacked a "normal" sex drive. at first, it was at least 2-3 times a month, but for the last 4 months or so....i've been lucky to get it once every month and a half -two months. I have asked him about this, and he becomes very upset. He knows that this isn't normal behavior for a 27 year old male. He says he simply doesn't have the urge anymore. He says it has been going on for years and we just don't know what to do about it. He hates to take medication for anything. So, I would like to know what natural herbs and such would be helpful.

 

 

Before getting him to take any herbs have him seen by a Licensed Acupuncturist (check with the NCCAOM website for local practitioners). Herbal regimens and acupuncture treatments should be tailored to his specific needs. No one can give real good advice from a few short posts on a discussion board.

[Eric23]

Male Deer excerise as taught by Santi and Tao Semko of Umma Tantra. Should also consider checking with a doc; hormonal levels etc.

[joeblast]

this is an odd question for me to ask, as it is something very personal. I have been with the same guy for the last year, and have known for the beginning that he lacked a "normal" sex drive. at first, it was at least 2-3 times a month, but for the last 4 months or so....i've been lucky to get it once every month and a half -two months. I have asked him about this, and he becomes very upset. He knows that this isn't normal behavior for a 27 year old male. He says he simply doesn't have the urge anymore. He says it has been going on for years and we just don't know what to do about it. He hates to take medication for anything. So, I would like to know what natural herbs and such would be helpful.

 

...

 

/0

 

[JEN_A_KINS]

to all of you who have offered advice....

 

Thank you...i look forward to mentioning some of these to him tonight.

 

and to answer some of your questions...

 

1. no, he does not masturbate or enjoy porn

2. yes, he is sometimes emotionally withdrawn

3. other than social drinking, which actually seems to help, he does not use any drugs

4. if i deprived him of meat and put him on a veggie diet, he would probably eat me....and not in a manner in which i would like.

[VCraigP]

if i deprived him of meat and put him on a veggie diet, he would probably eat me....and not in a manner in which i would like.

 

at least you still have a good sense of humor about it.

 

I would second the warning about adding Panax ginseng as a sexual stimulant. Not a good idea in general as a single herb.

 

Strangely enough I would advise trying the same as I did for low libido in Women...MACA.

 

Get good bulk Maca and make a smoothy daily. Use a heaping tablespoon of the powder.

Besides other potential benefit it is simply highly nutritious.

Also I strongly believe it adheres to the precept of "first do no harm."

 

At the very least adding this to the diet will be overall nutritious.

Two very potent herbal options are

Tribulus Terrestris & Eurycoma longifolia

 

Re Tribulus.

The only one I can really recommend is TRIBESTAN from SOPHARMA in Bulgaria. You can buy it online and there is no other Tribulus to compare. The Bulgarians perfected the process and extraction of this herb. THere are Many many substitutes which are CRAP. So if you don't want to get this one, dont bother.

 

Re

Eurycoma Longifolia

This is a very effective herb if you get good quality. I think there are a lot of reputable brands. Look for at least 50:1 or even 100:1 extract.

I occassionally use TOM KAT by Dragon Herbs which has;

Eurycoma longifolia 50:1, as well as Polyrachis Ant and Polyganum Multiflorum (aka He shou wu).

 

This formula is quite powerful! Both of the above are, and I cannot attest to whether they may or may not be detrimental to his overall energetic balance.

 

Again, this is no substitute for overall constitutional diagnostic and overhaul, but these are items I have found very effective and which have a good reputation for performance in general in the nutraceutical industry (in which I have been a player for more than 10 years).

 

All of this above presupposes the subject man in question WANTS to do something about his lack of libido. If not, then you have other issues to address, or he does.

 

Finally no advice given has touched on the subject of Male Sexual Gong fu. This is a subject which has been covered in TREMENDOUS detail through the years on the Taobums. Sexual practice used to dominate discussion here. I guess having more women active has settled us down...maybe.

 

I bring this up to point out a well accepted idea of Taoism. If the man in question doesn't have a strong sexual appetite it may be a signal of overall weakness in the body. Adding stimulation to promote MORE sexual activity could be interpreted as a way of emptying out the charge in the battery more quickly. A Taoist and also TCM approach would be to seek ways to recharge that battery.

 

Here is where the controversy will be encountered. There are many teachers who teach methods of sexual gongfu which promote the idea of Semen retention. Just do some searcing on the TaoBums on the subject of "retention" "semen retention" "sexual energy" "sex" and I think you will turn up a lot of info, maybe too much.

 

I must say that I actually very much hesitate to recommend sexual gongfu to beginners as it is fraught with "issues". As Song says learning reverse breathing or even standing qi gong practice can have a very strong effect on the libido once things start to activate and recharge.

 

So for starters I recommend Maca and exercise, ideally qigong and practices to focus on the lower tantien and get the mind settled down.

 

Also have you considered offering Oral sex to him? Who can resist that

 

Respectfully offered.

 

Craig

[hcp]

Why is Korean Ginseng not recommended for this condition? I always thought that Korean Ginseng can help with libido/erection issues.

 

Also, I notice that TomKat is being recommended. But can a hot herb like Tongkat Ali be taken on a regular basis? What about "Dragon Jing"? I have read good things about it.

[Deepbluesea]

I think joeblast is right.

 

You are the herb.

 

I know a kid ... only 21 that was complaining about his sexual deficiencies, I was shocked, until I thought about his situation. His diet mostly consists of cheese curls and mountain dew, he gets no physical exercise other than his fingers hitting the keys of keyboard. He didn't need herbs, he needed to change his habits. If you don't address those first, you have no foundation on which to build.

 

In the vein of VcraigP, (respectfully) are you offering or are you waiting for it to happen. If I fall into a lull and am unhappy with it, I buy flowers and write love letters, buy some lingerie (this is all for my wife of course) and without fail it has done the trick.

 

Does he "perform" alright? Is there a reason he doesn't want it because he is embarrassed? Does he trust you (if other girlfriends are talking about his lack of libido that could definately be an issue)?

 

Maybe he just has other interests ... I can't imagine that at 27 he would but humans are diverse and sometimes we forget that. You said you tried to talk to him about it and he got angry, what is your plan here ... "Take this root, it'll really get you hot." You don't think that will elicit the same response?

 

More and more joeblast hit it on the head. You are the herb ... just like in Caddyshack "be the ball Danny". Be the herb.

[goldisheavy]

1. no, he does not masturbate or enjoy porn

 

Ahh... assuming this is genuine information (not all guys are 100% forthcoming with their SOs about their habits), he might have a genuinely low sex drive. As in... that's how he is and it may not actually be a problem. Obviously it's a problem for you. But have you asked him if he enjoys his life? If he doesn't masturbate and doesn't get his rocks off in other ways (like with other women or men or animals or... never mind), AND he is truly content and happy, he is not sick at all. He's healthy and that's his normal pattern or a normal phase that he's going through. By phase, I mean something that can last a few billion years before change, I don't mean something that's guaranteed to be over in a week.

 

There is a guy described in "The Seven Taoist Masters" book who had so much sex in the brothel, that he genuinely got satisfied... as in... he satisfied his sexual urge 100%. He got it. It's like he wanted ice cream and most people eat one spoonful and they are done (leaving some desire unsatisfied). This guy ate gallons upon gallons for years and finally he could not have any more ice cream. He's over the ice cream. While it's just a story, I truly believe this can happen too. So if someone was extremely sexually active with many many women, it's possible they also lose interest due to extreme satisfaction and elimination of any kind of surprise or mystery from sex.

 

But the guy above would not get angry if asked about his non-existent sex drive though! He's be quite happy to explain anything you want to know about it. So getting angry when asked about it seems like there is some kind of problem, although the problem might not be what we might think it is. Maybe he has conflicting thoughts about what it means to be a man and who/what he is, and anything that reminds him of that conflict gets him angry? If that's true, the real solution for him is not necessarily to start having more sex, but it could be to throw away his prejudice with regard to what it means for a man to be a man. Or not! I don't know. I am saying it's not something that always leads to more sex when resolved.

 

Anyway, the real answer from me is, "I don't know!" You have to use your own understanding of human nature, your innate wisdom, intuition and the information available to you to figure it out. Sorry.

Edited May 5, 2009 by goldisheavy

[de_paradise]

Hmmm. Not enough information to make proper diagnosis, so I will offer only my personal experience.

 

Eventually I just got bored to the point of being repulsed of having sex with my girlfriend. Not bored with all girls though. One reason to break up. At this point in my life I would be shocked if I ever found someone I didnt eventually get bored having sex with, and I'm not looking either. Its a mystery to me how other people dont get bored with their wives, etc.

 

Sometimes I go low sex drive, and the reasons for that are mysterious and tied up with spirituality.

[goldisheavy]

Its a mystery to me how other people dont get bored with their wives, etc.

 

Here's my experience on that. I do get bored in some sense. In what sense is that? Well, obviously I know what to expect to a large degree. I can still get surprised, but I am 90% right about what to expect, OK? Part of what makes sex magic is relating to a NEW human being. When you find a new girl, you want to feel how she's like in bed. That's fun. Once you feel it, then you know how it is. So that part of fun goes away.

 

However, how is it that people stay together? Well, first of all, if sex was reason why people got together, then I guess they answer is -- they don't stay together. But truth is, many people get together for more reasons than just for sex. Reasons like companionship, for example. Secondly, the sex doesn't have to become predictable either. It's possible to keep it alive and unique. I do that with my wife. It doesn't mean we go have sex on the roof or anything like that, but it does mean every session is somewhat different. So it doesn't get completely formulaic. So there IS some element of surprise and mystery, even if it's subtle.

 

I always think about what it means to be together. I think, would I like it if someone dumped me at the first inconvenience? No I wouldn't. Would I like it if someone dumped me if I lost my penis? I wouldn't. Since I wouldn't like that, I don't do it to others. If I or my wife had the mind that marriage has to always be convenient, we'd dump each other like 100 times many years ago. It's because both of us are willing to put up with some inconveniences, that we can stay together. This includes sexual ones.

 

Sometimes my wife complains I don't have enough sex. But I do masturbate a lot. So, for me the solution is to stop being lazy, masturbate less, and to have more sex with my wife. But that's just me. I also like to blame it on my wife too. For example, I tell her she needs to go to sleep naked. She likes to sleep in clothes. I feel that clothes are like armor. They are pain in the ass and hard to get off, and I don't want a big hassle. It's hard to get spontaneously touchy-feely with someone who has 2 layers of clothes. See? So I blame my wife for all my problems. That's why I am a good guy and why my marriage works so well.

[DanC]

Sounds like low testosterone, he needs exercise and some basic herbs/vitamins. This my recommendation for boosting test and I know it works because I have a very high sex drive when I take these combinations.

 

Maca Powder

Tongkat ali, either capsules or tea

Multivitamin

Tribulus

 

 

Exercise has a very big impact on hormone levels, so lots of Pushups, Pullups, Squats, crunches. Also meditation to clear the mind of any negative thoughts.

 

Dan

[Pietro]

Also have you considered offering Oral sex to him? Who can resist that

hmm, me for example. Never liked the sensation of teeth on the shaft.

 

 

 

So putting it all together:

either this guy is secretly masturbating (I don't know him, but statistically is very common),

or he has depleted his deep yin for other reasons (you need to retonify, and this can take ages),

or he is not interested in you (and in the previous, and the previous, and the previous),

or he is not interested in women,

or he is not interested in sex.

 

Am I missing something?

 

Of those we can only help in the first twe cases, but

if he is secretly masturbating you will not be able to help him. He must decide to stop himself. I think the safest thing to do at this regard is to just let him find this url: http://www.no-porn.com/ if he has a problem he might follow the thread. And if he does not it might not mean he has no problem, he might just not be ready.

 

if instead is a problem of depletion you need to consult someone in your area. You can after you have consulted come here and share the result, and they can be discussed. But this is as much that we as a community can do for him.

 

And if neither of this work, and you still want to stay with him you might need to renegotiate the agreement into something that gives you more freedom.

[三江源]

.

Edited April 6, 2015 by 三江源

[joeblast]

I guess my divide by zero understanding would make sense for the normal range of...the scale here. looks certainly couldnt be an issue, unless its like...at the other end of the spectrum and he felt he was too ugly for ya or something along those lines.

 

honestly the only time I would never want to have sex with any girl I was with was when she was pissing me off or otherwise getting on my nerves, because sex isnt just getting your rocks off. if there's love and intimacy all wound up with that, invariably it would be that I wound up rather masturbating as opposed to even trying to have sex with 'er at all. I cant have all pissed off-ness towards someone and then make a deep loving connection like that...it just kinda degrades the sex to the point where it IS just getting your rocks off...and that's when I get bored with it. so I can sympathize with screwing to the point of not wanting to screw, but when its more/deeper than just hot monkey sex...

 

bottom line of a bunch of these posts, something's gotta be bothering the dude.

Edited May 5, 2009 by joeblast