markern Posted May 5, 2009 > I love this Doctor > > Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong >life. Is this true? > A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... >don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding >up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can >extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? >Take a nap. > > Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? > A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? >Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing >more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your >system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of >field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% >of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. > > Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? > A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled >wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get >even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. >Bottoms up! > > Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? > A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to >one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. > > Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular >exercise program? > A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No >Pain...Good! > > Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? > A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in >vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more > vegetables be bad for you? > > Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around >the middle? > A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You >should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. > > Q: Is chocolate bad for me? > A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's >the best feel-good food around! > > Q: Is swimming good for your figure? > A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. > > Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? > A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! > > Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have >had about food and diets. > > And remember: > 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of >arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to >skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body >thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a >Ride' AND..... > > For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on >nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those >conflicting nutritional studies. > > 1. The Japanese eat very little fat > and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. > > 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat > and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. > > 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine > and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. > > 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine > and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. > > 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats > and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. > > CONCLUSION > > Eat and drink what you like. > > Speaking English is apparently what kills you. > Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aetherous Posted May 5, 2009 I know this was supposed to be funny, but I hope no one actually believes a good doctor (or any intelligent person) would say these sorts of things. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thelerner Posted May 5, 2009 I liked it. My fathers rule of medicine is to only go to doctors who are fatter then he is. Â Its not my way, but its an.. interesting one. Â Â Michael Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goldisheavy Posted May 6, 2009 (edited) This has a lot of wisdom in it. People focus on the materials too much. Like when people try to control their diet, they focus on the material they are ingesting. More focus should be on HOW you eat, in what frame of mind you eat, how much you eat in general, etc., than to what particular materials you consume. Â But in this convention most people are hard-core physicalists who believe in substance. So to those people, the kinds of substance they ingest is the most important thing, and since to a physicalist the mind is an illusion of the brain, how they eat, in what frame of mind they eat, is irrelevant. This is why people are so sick these days. You give an idiot the best food and they'll choke to death, get stomach ulcers, and have diarrhea non-stop. You give a contemplative meditator soup from pine needles, and they live 100 years. It's not the stuff. It's the mind that matters. Everything is pure. Edited May 6, 2009 by goldisheavy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
